Losing out on one winner due to a Pick 6 in the last 20 seconds (Den./NYJ) is heartbreaking. Losing out on 3 winners because of a second Pick 6 in the final 20 seconds is kinda like being in prison in New Hampshire and having to stamp out "Live Free Or Die" on license plates all day...It's cruel and unusual. We went from 7-6 or 6-6-1 to 4-8-1 sadly.
The system we used is Value-based which is why we are often contrarian to public handicappers. This week there are quite a few contrarian plays, but we are concerned the method may be understating the ineffectiveness of QBs Teddy Bridgewater and Charlie Whitehurst (oh, it thinks they're bad, but maybe unable to fathom just how bad). To date we are 39-29-1 overall. Let's see how today plays out before we start tweaking the parts. Here they are...
SIDES (15-13): Oakland +3.5; Minnesota +6.5; Tennessee +6.0; Cincinnati +3.5; Miami +3.0
TOTALS (24-16-1): Ten./Was. Under 46.5; N.O./Det. Over 46.5; Mia./Chi. Under 48.0; Atl./Bal. Under 50.0; Cle./Jac. Over 44.5; Cin./Ind. Under 50.5; Min./Buf. Over 43.5; NYG/Dal. Over 47.0
Do as you wish with these...
Showing posts with label Seahawks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Seahawks. Show all posts
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Where Have You Gone Bucky Scribner (NFL Kickoff)
Oh, Football we've missed you so...and just for the heckuva it how 'bout a pick to open the season... Green Bay/Seattle Under 47.5. Good luck!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Happy Sailors Dancing On A Sinking Ship
For those who have sent along birthday wishes...thanks! And to answer the question no I do not get ripped off by having my birthday on December 25th. Years ago I came up with the plan of witholding my gift to anyone who does not give me two in return. Now if we could only get the NCAA to adopt this +1 approach, well...
Oh and before I forget...Happy Birthday to friggin' me...
Funny how it always takes the school's annual Symphonic Holiday Concert to remind me just how many Oriental students we actually have enrolled. But hats off to them for finding time in their schedules between Forensics Club, Model U.N., AP Chemistry, Girl's Volleyball and re-taking the Driver's License test over and over. I guess it's true what they say...there's always room for cello.
Plus for the students who asked here are my Top 6 reasons for not participating in our pre-break Pajama Day II: 6. My "slanket" was in the wash...5. I was previously told I could not "dress for the job I want"...4. Two words: Nocturnal Emission...3. I sleep in the nude and there'd have been no winners there...2. Minus the chip crumbs that was what I slept in the night before...and...1. I have enough trouble staying awake there the way it is.
And lastly is there anyone more annoying than those Tailgating Guys in the Mobile 3G commercials who are on top of everything with their phones. What happened to the goal in life being to be left the f--- alone. Makes you long for the days of the old Joe Friday Dragnet rotary phone where when a girl gave you her number you'd have to weigh how attractive she was against how many 8's, 9's and 0's were in her number to decide whether it was worth calling her back. Or better yet the even older Andy Griffith two-handed phone where it was worthless calling those 976 sex lines because the girl would ask you to touch yourself and you'd have to rub up against a wall because you didn't have a hand free...oh right football, here we go...
CFB
--George Carlin used to say he didn't eat tomatoes because while they look nice on the outside when you bite into one inside it appears to be still in the larval stage...which is kinda how I view Rutgers HC Greg Schiano. There's no doubt Schiano has done yeoman's work in taking a program that many we're saying should drop down to the FCS level and turning it into a viable FBS team. And on the outside everything looks great what with brand new multi-million dollar facilities, strong recruiting and several minor bowl appearances. But on the inside, i.e. game day, things are not quite so rosy. Despite the successful records Jersey Greg has proven time and again to be a poor in-game coach who hasn't been able to get over the hump and break through to a top tier bowl despite having a lot of NFL level talent (check your favorite team's roster) in an extremely weak BCS conference.
Nothing proves this better than his astounding 0-11 record versus West Virginia, the team to beat in the post Miami (FL)/Virginia Tech Big East. This year Rutgers not only succumbed to the Mountaineers again, but with the conference title still in reach may have delivered the signature loss of the Schiano era when they fell to then 4-6 Connecticut and retread coach Paul Pasqualoni 40-22 in their season finale.
Which all brings us to our Bowl selections and "Fred's Picks" Early Bowl Lock-Iowa State +2 over Rutgers in the Dec. 30 Pinstripe Bowl. And while we're at it let's also give you the BeyondTheBets.com top Bowl Underdog plays of Iowa +14 over Oklahoma and Washington +9.5 over Baylor. In the former the Hawkeyes coach Kirk Ferentz is 7-2 ATS in Bowl Games including 5 outright wins in 7 games as a Dog and catches a banged up Sooner team that thought they'd be playing for the National Title before a late season swoon. As for the Huskies the key may be underrated HC Steve Sarkisian who in his brief tenure in the great Northwest has gone 5-0 SU/ATS in games in which he has had more than a week to prepare including a 19-7 upset of Nebraska as an 11.5 point Dog in their bowl last year.
So to recap our Bowl plays so far are Iowa State +2 (Fred's Pick), Florida St. -3 (my pick), Washington +9.5 & Iowa +14 (BeyondTheBets) and Oklahoma State -4 (my pick). God Bless Us All...Everyone!
NFL
--The comedian Nick DiPaolo in discussing elderly women who opt for plastic surgery points out that if you're going to get your face tightened don't forget about the area below your chin lest you wind up with the forehead of a 16 year-old girl and the neck of Snapping Turtle. The NFL equivalent of this oversight appears to be the Chicago Bears.
Now I'm no huge fan of Jay Cutler or Mike Martz but through the first 10 games of the season they were clicking well enough to combine with their Top 10/Brian Urlacher-lead defense to make Da Bears a serious Super Bowl contender. In all Chicago's O topped 30 points in 6 of 10 tries and their record stood at 7-3 before Cutler went down for the year. And this is where GM Jerry Angelo needed to go to work.
You see unlike the nursery in Eric Clapton's apartment the window of opportunity in the NFL doesn't stay open forever (too soon?). With a huge decision/investment to be made concerning Matt Forte and Urlacher/Peppers not getting any younger Angelo needed to opt for more Botox or at least a cheap turtleneck to cover up the turkey-neck that is Caleb Hanie at QB and at least get the Bears to the Playoffs where maybe Cutler could be resurrected for one good run.
It didn't happen and after close losses to the defense-less Raiders and the Tyler Palko-led Chiefs Marion Barber did his best Schleprock/Weeble impression as the unluckiest guy not to fall down at Denver and the pooch was screwed. Had Angelo swung a deal for Kyle Orton (he couldn't beat the Chiefs on the waiver wire) or trolled for a Seneca Wallace or some other competent place holder who knows what might have happened. Sunday night ex-Raider castoff Josh McCown starts against Green Bay and can pretty much not help but being an improvement, yet alas it appears the Atlanta and Detroit wins last week will have the Bears on the outside looking in. Another plastic surgery disaster that could make even Suzanne Somers sad.
Actually this might be the kid from Mask, I really didn't check it thoroughly...
--Two weeks ago people said we were on crack for picking the Seattle Seahawks to make the playoffs. First let me say I would never smoke anything that is named after a part of my ass and second it should be noted that Pete Carroll's crew currently stands at #7 in the NFC with the best chance to get to the Big Dance if Atlanta or Detroit stumble.
The Falcons play Tampa Bay at home the final week so they're basically in, but the Lions may still have problems. First off they get the red-hot Chargers today at home before finishing at Green Bay. Neither of those are sure things even if last week's loss means the Pack rests their starters, as extreme cold and snow could still be an issue for the Dome-bound Detroiters. Meanwhile Seattle gets San Francisco today and Arizona in the finale. It's still a longshot that needs tiebreaker help, but hey the Lions have had exactly two kickers (Eddie Murray, Jason Hanson) in the last 31 years and if that could happen why the Hell not this?
How old am I on this Birthday? Let's just say my first thought on seeing this picture was..."she's just asking for back problems".
--In a day of many big games the biggest may be the virtual playoff elimination matchup between the Jets and the Giants. A lot has been made in recent weeks of Tom Coughlin's abysmal 2nd half record with New York and certainly that is something to be considered. But remember the Giants did have a heckuva 2nd half run in winning the Super Bowl in 2007 and a quick perusal of their sked from November on this year indicates they may have an excuse for their recent troubles.
Starting on 11/6 the Gi'nts faced N.E., S.F., Phi., N.O., G.B., Dal., Was. That's 5 division leaders among their 7 opponents and 2 of those games they won. On the other hand the Jets over this same period took on Buf. (twice), N.E., Den., Was., K.C., Phi. with wins coming only over the injury-riddled Bills, the Palko-led Chiefs and the Redskins. Of the three common opponents in those games (N.E., Phi., Was.) both the New Yorkers went 1-2 but the Giants were outscored only 44-60 while the Jets put up 69 points but were garretted for 101 against.
It's hard to look worse than Eli and the Giants did last week, but Off The Marky Mark Sanchez and the Jets gave it a helluva try in Philly. Fred and I are off this one, but if you're inclined toward investing here keep the recent scheduling dichotomy in mind before plunging ahead.
--Fred's Pick is back to a normal font after last week's Jets play, but he still stands at a profitable 7-4-1 on the year. Today's advice is to go with the hot hand of Kyle (Don't Call Me Ol' Ace) Orton and the Chiefs at -2 over Oakland. And after a week off we're back on the bandwagon here. Orton finally gives the Chiefs a reasonable offensive prescence that even Matt Cassell didn't provide and the defense under Romeo Crennel has held division leaders Green Bay, Pittsburgh and Denver all under 20 points in recent weeks. Oakland's playoff hopes were crushed like Giles Corey at the Salem Witch Trials with Detroit's miracle comeback last week and now they must venture to Arrowhead Stadium a setting known league-wide for being more hostile than the Double Deuce bar in Roadhouse. K.C. pressured Aaron Rodgers into a mere 80.1 QB Rate last week. They should have even more success against an interception-prone Carson Palmer today. Good luck.
--According to BeyondTheBets today's top public plays are Carolina over Tampa, San Diego over Detroit and San Francisco over Seattle which to me is stunning in that Denver over Buffalo is not on that list. Has the public decided to pull a Jim Rockford and tuck and roll their way off the Tebow bandwagon after one loss? Versus a team on an 8 game, haven't even been close, losing streak? Even though Denver lost last week we were impressed that Tebow didn't go in the tank like the Detroit start, but played his game-passing a little, running for 93 yards and two TDs and putting up a reasonable 23 points. It was the defense that let them down, but against Tom Brady and the Pats that's to be expected. Denver is -2.5 in Buffalo and while we lean that way our official play will be the Seahawks +1 over the 49ers in Seattle. It's difficult to run on a Pete Carroll D and that's what S.F. wants to do. Additionally, the Niners have played only 3 road games in their last 8 winning once at John Beck's Washington against 2 losses. Add in an over-inflation in the public eye because of a Monday win over Pittsburgh in a game where Ben Roethlisberger was limping like he just had a 3 way with Bill Conlin and Jerry Sandusky and the Seahawks look like a hot team that is under the radar in this one. Finished...literally!
Seriously, why would you ever work...
Oh and before I forget...Happy Birthday to friggin' me...
Funny how it always takes the school's annual Symphonic Holiday Concert to remind me just how many Oriental students we actually have enrolled. But hats off to them for finding time in their schedules between Forensics Club, Model U.N., AP Chemistry, Girl's Volleyball and re-taking the Driver's License test over and over. I guess it's true what they say...there's always room for cello.
Plus for the students who asked here are my Top 6 reasons for not participating in our pre-break Pajama Day II: 6. My "slanket" was in the wash...5. I was previously told I could not "dress for the job I want"...4. Two words: Nocturnal Emission...3. I sleep in the nude and there'd have been no winners there...2. Minus the chip crumbs that was what I slept in the night before...and...1. I have enough trouble staying awake there the way it is.
And lastly is there anyone more annoying than those Tailgating Guys in the Mobile 3G commercials who are on top of everything with their phones. What happened to the goal in life being to be left the f--- alone. Makes you long for the days of the old Joe Friday Dragnet rotary phone where when a girl gave you her number you'd have to weigh how attractive she was against how many 8's, 9's and 0's were in her number to decide whether it was worth calling her back. Or better yet the even older Andy Griffith two-handed phone where it was worthless calling those 976 sex lines because the girl would ask you to touch yourself and you'd have to rub up against a wall because you didn't have a hand free...oh right football, here we go...
CFB
--George Carlin used to say he didn't eat tomatoes because while they look nice on the outside when you bite into one inside it appears to be still in the larval stage...which is kinda how I view Rutgers HC Greg Schiano. There's no doubt Schiano has done yeoman's work in taking a program that many we're saying should drop down to the FCS level and turning it into a viable FBS team. And on the outside everything looks great what with brand new multi-million dollar facilities, strong recruiting and several minor bowl appearances. But on the inside, i.e. game day, things are not quite so rosy. Despite the successful records Jersey Greg has proven time and again to be a poor in-game coach who hasn't been able to get over the hump and break through to a top tier bowl despite having a lot of NFL level talent (check your favorite team's roster) in an extremely weak BCS conference.
Nothing proves this better than his astounding 0-11 record versus West Virginia, the team to beat in the post Miami (FL)/Virginia Tech Big East. This year Rutgers not only succumbed to the Mountaineers again, but with the conference title still in reach may have delivered the signature loss of the Schiano era when they fell to then 4-6 Connecticut and retread coach Paul Pasqualoni 40-22 in their season finale.
Which all brings us to our Bowl selections and "Fred's Picks" Early Bowl Lock-Iowa State +2 over Rutgers in the Dec. 30 Pinstripe Bowl. And while we're at it let's also give you the BeyondTheBets.com top Bowl Underdog plays of Iowa +14 over Oklahoma and Washington +9.5 over Baylor. In the former the Hawkeyes coach Kirk Ferentz is 7-2 ATS in Bowl Games including 5 outright wins in 7 games as a Dog and catches a banged up Sooner team that thought they'd be playing for the National Title before a late season swoon. As for the Huskies the key may be underrated HC Steve Sarkisian who in his brief tenure in the great Northwest has gone 5-0 SU/ATS in games in which he has had more than a week to prepare including a 19-7 upset of Nebraska as an 11.5 point Dog in their bowl last year.
So to recap our Bowl plays so far are Iowa State +2 (Fred's Pick), Florida St. -3 (my pick), Washington +9.5 & Iowa +14 (BeyondTheBets) and Oklahoma State -4 (my pick). God Bless Us All...Everyone!
NFL
--The comedian Nick DiPaolo in discussing elderly women who opt for plastic surgery points out that if you're going to get your face tightened don't forget about the area below your chin lest you wind up with the forehead of a 16 year-old girl and the neck of Snapping Turtle. The NFL equivalent of this oversight appears to be the Chicago Bears.
Now I'm no huge fan of Jay Cutler or Mike Martz but through the first 10 games of the season they were clicking well enough to combine with their Top 10/Brian Urlacher-lead defense to make Da Bears a serious Super Bowl contender. In all Chicago's O topped 30 points in 6 of 10 tries and their record stood at 7-3 before Cutler went down for the year. And this is where GM Jerry Angelo needed to go to work.
You see unlike the nursery in Eric Clapton's apartment the window of opportunity in the NFL doesn't stay open forever (too soon?). With a huge decision/investment to be made concerning Matt Forte and Urlacher/Peppers not getting any younger Angelo needed to opt for more Botox or at least a cheap turtleneck to cover up the turkey-neck that is Caleb Hanie at QB and at least get the Bears to the Playoffs where maybe Cutler could be resurrected for one good run.
It didn't happen and after close losses to the defense-less Raiders and the Tyler Palko-led Chiefs Marion Barber did his best Schleprock/Weeble impression as the unluckiest guy not to fall down at Denver and the pooch was screwed. Had Angelo swung a deal for Kyle Orton (he couldn't beat the Chiefs on the waiver wire) or trolled for a Seneca Wallace or some other competent place holder who knows what might have happened. Sunday night ex-Raider castoff Josh McCown starts against Green Bay and can pretty much not help but being an improvement, yet alas it appears the Atlanta and Detroit wins last week will have the Bears on the outside looking in. Another plastic surgery disaster that could make even Suzanne Somers sad.
Actually this might be the kid from Mask, I really didn't check it thoroughly...--Two weeks ago people said we were on crack for picking the Seattle Seahawks to make the playoffs. First let me say I would never smoke anything that is named after a part of my ass and second it should be noted that Pete Carroll's crew currently stands at #7 in the NFC with the best chance to get to the Big Dance if Atlanta or Detroit stumble.
The Falcons play Tampa Bay at home the final week so they're basically in, but the Lions may still have problems. First off they get the red-hot Chargers today at home before finishing at Green Bay. Neither of those are sure things even if last week's loss means the Pack rests their starters, as extreme cold and snow could still be an issue for the Dome-bound Detroiters. Meanwhile Seattle gets San Francisco today and Arizona in the finale. It's still a longshot that needs tiebreaker help, but hey the Lions have had exactly two kickers (Eddie Murray, Jason Hanson) in the last 31 years and if that could happen why the Hell not this?
How old am I on this Birthday? Let's just say my first thought on seeing this picture was..."she's just asking for back problems".--In a day of many big games the biggest may be the virtual playoff elimination matchup between the Jets and the Giants. A lot has been made in recent weeks of Tom Coughlin's abysmal 2nd half record with New York and certainly that is something to be considered. But remember the Giants did have a heckuva 2nd half run in winning the Super Bowl in 2007 and a quick perusal of their sked from November on this year indicates they may have an excuse for their recent troubles.
Starting on 11/6 the Gi'nts faced N.E., S.F., Phi., N.O., G.B., Dal., Was. That's 5 division leaders among their 7 opponents and 2 of those games they won. On the other hand the Jets over this same period took on Buf. (twice), N.E., Den., Was., K.C., Phi. with wins coming only over the injury-riddled Bills, the Palko-led Chiefs and the Redskins. Of the three common opponents in those games (N.E., Phi., Was.) both the New Yorkers went 1-2 but the Giants were outscored only 44-60 while the Jets put up 69 points but were garretted for 101 against.
It's hard to look worse than Eli and the Giants did last week, but Off The Marky Mark Sanchez and the Jets gave it a helluva try in Philly. Fred and I are off this one, but if you're inclined toward investing here keep the recent scheduling dichotomy in mind before plunging ahead.
--Fred's Pick is back to a normal font after last week's Jets play, but he still stands at a profitable 7-4-1 on the year. Today's advice is to go with the hot hand of Kyle (Don't Call Me Ol' Ace) Orton and the Chiefs at -2 over Oakland. And after a week off we're back on the bandwagon here. Orton finally gives the Chiefs a reasonable offensive prescence that even Matt Cassell didn't provide and the defense under Romeo Crennel has held division leaders Green Bay, Pittsburgh and Denver all under 20 points in recent weeks. Oakland's playoff hopes were crushed like Giles Corey at the Salem Witch Trials with Detroit's miracle comeback last week and now they must venture to Arrowhead Stadium a setting known league-wide for being more hostile than the Double Deuce bar in Roadhouse. K.C. pressured Aaron Rodgers into a mere 80.1 QB Rate last week. They should have even more success against an interception-prone Carson Palmer today. Good luck.
--According to BeyondTheBets today's top public plays are Carolina over Tampa, San Diego over Detroit and San Francisco over Seattle which to me is stunning in that Denver over Buffalo is not on that list. Has the public decided to pull a Jim Rockford and tuck and roll their way off the Tebow bandwagon after one loss? Versus a team on an 8 game, haven't even been close, losing streak? Even though Denver lost last week we were impressed that Tebow didn't go in the tank like the Detroit start, but played his game-passing a little, running for 93 yards and two TDs and putting up a reasonable 23 points. It was the defense that let them down, but against Tom Brady and the Pats that's to be expected. Denver is -2.5 in Buffalo and while we lean that way our official play will be the Seahawks +1 over the 49ers in Seattle. It's difficult to run on a Pete Carroll D and that's what S.F. wants to do. Additionally, the Niners have played only 3 road games in their last 8 winning once at John Beck's Washington against 2 losses. Add in an over-inflation in the public eye because of a Monday win over Pittsburgh in a game where Ben Roethlisberger was limping like he just had a 3 way with Bill Conlin and Jerry Sandusky and the Seahawks look like a hot team that is under the radar in this one. Finished...literally!
Seriously, why would you ever work...
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Garishly, Gin-Soaked Guesses
Considering last night with my colleagues featured many pints of St. James Gate's finest, a button-fly jeans snafu (the last thing I need after 11 beers is a restroom dexterity test) and the apparent karaoke-ing of "It's Raining Men" to win a bet (or at least I hope that's how those miscelleneous fives got in my pocket) I am going to keep this mercifully short.
Overall: 6-6
Sides: 4-2
Totals: 2-4
Chicago -10/43
The Seahawks have become like every debut, popular reality show. Matt Hasselbeck is the everyman turned star, Marshawn Lynch's Saints crushing run has gone viral and even sparked a Sporcle trivia game (http://www.sporcle.com/games/Eric92/beastmode) and the bandwagon's filling up faster than the last plane out of Tunis. But like most reality shows the bloom leaves the rose pretty quickly. We're thinking Joe Millionaire 2 here (yes, they really found 20 more women to fall for that). So with that in mind we're going to make one intrepid stab at sanity and say a 7-9 team will not host a Conference Championship and take CHICAGO and UNDER.
New England -9/44
The Pats are like the original Law & Order of the NFL. Angie Harmon is replaced by that Nazi blonde and an assortment of non-descript brunettes, Jerry Orbach dies, Benjamin Bratt is off to the straight-to-video movie world, but still they keep chugging along. Brady/Belichick are like the Sam Waterson glue holding it all together while Welker, Wilfork, Branch, Mankins, Gostkowski and assorted other bit players are the rotating array of co-workers, bystanders and witnesses who can't seem to stop unloading that truck or signing requisitions while the detectives probe them about the homicide (it's a friggin' murder put down the pricing gun for a second and answer the questions). That said I just can't buy this squad as that dominant. No Randy Moss to spread the field, an adequate, but uninspiring run game and a well coached, but not overly talented defense do not a blowout make...or at least we're thinking that way. Add to it that the 45-3 drubbing on national TV a few weeks back puts us on the contrarian side and we'll take a shot with Footsie McRyan and the boys. How's JETS and UNDER sound (yeah, I'm not so sure either). Best of luck.
"Take an inch off the back and give me the Cousin It up front"
Overall: 6-6
Sides: 4-2
Totals: 2-4
Chicago -10/43
The Seahawks have become like every debut, popular reality show. Matt Hasselbeck is the everyman turned star, Marshawn Lynch's Saints crushing run has gone viral and even sparked a Sporcle trivia game (http://www.sporcle.com/games/Eric92/beastmode) and the bandwagon's filling up faster than the last plane out of Tunis. But like most reality shows the bloom leaves the rose pretty quickly. We're thinking Joe Millionaire 2 here (yes, they really found 20 more women to fall for that). So with that in mind we're going to make one intrepid stab at sanity and say a 7-9 team will not host a Conference Championship and take CHICAGO and UNDER.
New England -9/44
The Pats are like the original Law & Order of the NFL. Angie Harmon is replaced by that Nazi blonde and an assortment of non-descript brunettes, Jerry Orbach dies, Benjamin Bratt is off to the straight-to-video movie world, but still they keep chugging along. Brady/Belichick are like the Sam Waterson glue holding it all together while Welker, Wilfork, Branch, Mankins, Gostkowski and assorted other bit players are the rotating array of co-workers, bystanders and witnesses who can't seem to stop unloading that truck or signing requisitions while the detectives probe them about the homicide (it's a friggin' murder put down the pricing gun for a second and answer the questions). That said I just can't buy this squad as that dominant. No Randy Moss to spread the field, an adequate, but uninspiring run game and a well coached, but not overly talented defense do not a blowout make...or at least we're thinking that way. Add to it that the 45-3 drubbing on national TV a few weeks back puts us on the contrarian side and we'll take a shot with Footsie McRyan and the boys. How's JETS and UNDER sound (yeah, I'm not so sure either). Best of luck.
"Take an inch off the back and give me the Cousin It up front"
Thursday, January 13, 2011
What We Saw...WC Recaps
K.C-BAL.:
PLAY: Ravens -3/ Over 40.5 1ST QUARTER Ravens go 13 plays to the 1. Flacco fumbles, run game non-existent. Chiefs look like AFC version of Seahawks, but hold for FG...KC 3 and out, Ravens driving till Flacco fumbles...Jamaal Charles is the real deal, Top 5 Fantasy pick real, 41 yards for TD- best player/worst supporting cast since Larry Bird took Indiana State to the NCAA Final...TJ Houhmanzadeh sighting for 28, but Ravens bog down, forced into an "over-killing" punt from opponents 40...2ND QUARTER: Charles for 11, Charles for 8, Charles for 9, forget Larry Bird this is a David Robinson at Navy kinda one man show...Charles fumbles, both teams trade punts from opponents territory in what has become the football version of the 4 corners offense...Flacco to Rice for a 9 yard TD with 19 seconds and the Ravens/Over parlay has new life...halftime...3RD QUARTER Nakamura (wasn't that the second city hit by the A-bomb) intercepts Cassel, loses lateral, KC recovers and the Over goes back into hiding...4th and 1, Charles loses 4, colorman Mayock tells us "penetration is the key to stopping the run game", no sh*t...Cundiff 29 yd. FG, KC fumble, Cundiff 29 yd. FG, KC int., Flacco to Boldin TD, Ravens 23-7- it's over, but it's not OVER so we'll stick around...4TH QUARTER: Cassel has to pass, but is having as much success finding Bowe as I do with the toothbrush in the tree in Highlights magazine...Cassel to his #2 WR Kevin Curtis. Kevin "Freakin" Curtis? Dear God what an Under...Ravens go on longer march than Mao, kill 10:20 off clock before McGahee from 25 for TD...We need KC TD for the parlay, Cassel sacked, Cassel incomplete, Cassel sacked, punt- sounds about right...Ravens 30 KC 7.
FINAL THOUGHTS: KC was better than the Seahawks and playing at an equally advantageous home field which should tell you all you need to know about the dominance of the best in the AFC over the best in the NFC...The Ravens running game is like the thong drawer in Rosie O'Donnell's dresser, it doesn't exist. Forget the numbers, most of that was piled up late when the KC defense was on the field constantly and Baltimore had put up a near 2:1 advantage in plays run...Not gonna happen against Pittsburgh and James Harrison's gonna be on Flacco like Jerry Lee Lewis on a cousin. Baltimore's defense better show up big at Heinz Field.
SEA.-N.O.:
NOTE: Alright we were wrong. "Dewey Defeats Truman" wrong. Trickle-Down Economics wrong. Quincy Carter as franchise QB wrong. But the scariest part is how wrong we might be. Seattle faces Chicago this week a team they beat handily at Soldier Field at midseason. Win that and couple it with a completely plausible Green Bay over Atlanta outcome and a 7-9 team could be hosting the NFC Championship game. Do they sell Locust Insurance?
PLAY: Saints -10/Under 47...1ST QUARTER: Brees to Colston for 30, Hartley 26 yd. FG, Saints on top faster than Nathan Lane at Fire Island...Hasselbeck intercepted, Brees to Evans 1 yd. TD and this one's done faster than Minute Rice in the microwave....Seahawks answer with TD, but...2ND QUARTER: Saints drive for a Jones TD. It's still over right?...Roman Harper bites on the Medi-Alert play ("I've fallen and I can't get up") and Hasselbeck to wide open Carlson 17-14 N.O.... Seattle FG ties it then in moment that causes every NY Giant fan to flashback Brandon Stokeley beats Jason Sehorn...er...Roman Harper for a 45 yard score and it's on baby...How bad is Saints S Roman Harper? He's been lit up like Richard Pryor for three huge plays (Carlson TD, Moorah 39-yarder, Stokeley TD) and there's still 5 minutes left in the half...Credit the fans. Crowd noise causing more false starts than the ADHD 100M Dash...Saints get chip shot from Hartley, 24-20 Seahawks...halftime. 3RD QUARTER: Put the parlay in the books as Hasselbeck goes 38 to Mike Williams for TD 3 minutes in...Reggie Bush stinks, yet still looks pissed that Julius Jones is getting playing time...Seattle FG at 5:27, Saints go for it 4th and 1 at own 37 and are stuffed, then miraculously force a punt to stay alive. 4TH QUARTER: Saints get TD and FG and close the gap, problem is they've turned into an episode of Friends where for every Chandler/Joey comedy score the D plays Ross/Rachel and brings you back down...3:22 Marshawn Lynch goes 67 yards like Fred Flintstone carrying the whole Stony Rock team and the worst club in playoff history has dethroned the defending champs.
PHI.-G.B.: PLAY: Philly -2.5/Under 46. 1ST QUARTER: David Akers misses from 41 and the Under's off to a flying start...Desean Jackson's ankle gets rolled like a drunken "John" and Philly's minus 1 major weapon less then 8 minutes in...James Starks comes out of nowhere (U. of Buffalo actually) to give GB a run game...Philly D in the Red Zone is like a balanced breakfast to Karen Carpenter- it means nothing, and Rodgers finds Tom "You Can Call Me Chubsy-Ubsy" Crabtree for 7-0 lead...Announcer calls Jordy Nelson, "crafty, steady", I guess you just can't say "he's white"...GB's James Jones has dropped more balls this year than Michael J. Fox calling Bingo, but holds on off a Rodgers scramble and Philly's in trouble 14-3...And there's Jones calling out B14 on a perfect strike from Rodgers to save our Under just before halftime. 3RD QUARTER: Rodgers fumble, Avant TD and both ends of our parlay are alive 14-10...Rodgers right back to Brandon Jackson and we're in trouble again 21-10...4TH QUARTER: Akers with more shanks than a prison riot and we'll take a split as Philly fans get restless...Starks helps GB eat clock...Vick from 1 yd. makes it 21-16, 2-pt. fails as Akers' wife slips out of stadium quietly...Last chance, but Vick intercepted in end zone looking for Riley "Steady, Crafty" Cooper instead of Jax/Maclin and it's done.
FINAL THOUGHT: Rodgers rocks, add in any semblance of a running game to go with tough D and this team could be peaking at right time.
IND.-NYJ:
PLAY Jets +2.5/Over 44.5. 1ST QUARTER: First impression is that Joseph Addai is slow. Dial up internet slow. Molina brothers slow. Bad Guy/Heel escaping a Steel Cage in Pro Wrestling slow. Let's sign 52 year old Dominic Rhodes off the UFL Florida Tuskers roster slow...LT, on other hand, looks spry going for 23 on the first drive...Shonn Greene also looks fresh, but Sanchez has overthrown Keller more times than a Central American democracy and it's scoreless end of 1...2ND QUARTER: The entire game consists of drives that stall between the 40s and lead to pooch punts. Another disaster for our Over...Finally Manning to Garcon for 57 yds. 7-0 Colts...Jets drive back, but Sanchez intercepted at goal line. This won't fly vs. the Pats...45 seconds and the great Peyton on the field and HC Caldwell runs Rhodes up the middle, more on him later. Halftime...3RD QUARTER: Jets storm out to TD 7-7...Revis has made Reggie Wayne disappear like Spearchucker Jones from M*A*S*H (did they think they'd get away with that). Does he shadow Welker or Branch if Jets advance...Colts FG 10-7, but then...4TH QUARTER: Jets go on longest drive since I was 6 and Mom made us go to Mystic Seaport (17 plays) and it's Jets back on top...Fast forward to Colts 16-14, Jets in position for 49 yard FG attempt before Caldwell inexplicably calls timeout. Jets can still run down clock, but now get an extra play. 18 yards to Edwards, FG is now chippy, Manning throws up hands and it's not a good time to be Jim Caldwell.
FINAL NOTE: Jets will play better vs. Pats this time around, but Sanchez cannot waste opportunities like this and expect Brady/Belichick to stick around. Looking forward to excellent AFC matchups next week.
PLAY: Ravens -3/ Over 40.5 1ST QUARTER Ravens go 13 plays to the 1. Flacco fumbles, run game non-existent. Chiefs look like AFC version of Seahawks, but hold for FG...KC 3 and out, Ravens driving till Flacco fumbles...Jamaal Charles is the real deal, Top 5 Fantasy pick real, 41 yards for TD- best player/worst supporting cast since Larry Bird took Indiana State to the NCAA Final...TJ Houhmanzadeh sighting for 28, but Ravens bog down, forced into an "over-killing" punt from opponents 40...2ND QUARTER: Charles for 11, Charles for 8, Charles for 9, forget Larry Bird this is a David Robinson at Navy kinda one man show...Charles fumbles, both teams trade punts from opponents territory in what has become the football version of the 4 corners offense...Flacco to Rice for a 9 yard TD with 19 seconds and the Ravens/Over parlay has new life...halftime...3RD QUARTER Nakamura (wasn't that the second city hit by the A-bomb) intercepts Cassel, loses lateral, KC recovers and the Over goes back into hiding...4th and 1, Charles loses 4, colorman Mayock tells us "penetration is the key to stopping the run game", no sh*t...Cundiff 29 yd. FG, KC fumble, Cundiff 29 yd. FG, KC int., Flacco to Boldin TD, Ravens 23-7- it's over, but it's not OVER so we'll stick around...4TH QUARTER: Cassel has to pass, but is having as much success finding Bowe as I do with the toothbrush in the tree in Highlights magazine...Cassel to his #2 WR Kevin Curtis. Kevin "Freakin" Curtis? Dear God what an Under...Ravens go on longer march than Mao, kill 10:20 off clock before McGahee from 25 for TD...We need KC TD for the parlay, Cassel sacked, Cassel incomplete, Cassel sacked, punt- sounds about right...Ravens 30 KC 7.
FINAL THOUGHTS: KC was better than the Seahawks and playing at an equally advantageous home field which should tell you all you need to know about the dominance of the best in the AFC over the best in the NFC...The Ravens running game is like the thong drawer in Rosie O'Donnell's dresser, it doesn't exist. Forget the numbers, most of that was piled up late when the KC defense was on the field constantly and Baltimore had put up a near 2:1 advantage in plays run...Not gonna happen against Pittsburgh and James Harrison's gonna be on Flacco like Jerry Lee Lewis on a cousin. Baltimore's defense better show up big at Heinz Field.
SEA.-N.O.:
NOTE: Alright we were wrong. "Dewey Defeats Truman" wrong. Trickle-Down Economics wrong. Quincy Carter as franchise QB wrong. But the scariest part is how wrong we might be. Seattle faces Chicago this week a team they beat handily at Soldier Field at midseason. Win that and couple it with a completely plausible Green Bay over Atlanta outcome and a 7-9 team could be hosting the NFC Championship game. Do they sell Locust Insurance?
PLAY: Saints -10/Under 47...1ST QUARTER: Brees to Colston for 30, Hartley 26 yd. FG, Saints on top faster than Nathan Lane at Fire Island...Hasselbeck intercepted, Brees to Evans 1 yd. TD and this one's done faster than Minute Rice in the microwave....Seahawks answer with TD, but...2ND QUARTER: Saints drive for a Jones TD. It's still over right?...Roman Harper bites on the Medi-Alert play ("I've fallen and I can't get up") and Hasselbeck to wide open Carlson 17-14 N.O.... Seattle FG ties it then in moment that causes every NY Giant fan to flashback Brandon Stokeley beats Jason Sehorn...er...Roman Harper for a 45 yard score and it's on baby...How bad is Saints S Roman Harper? He's been lit up like Richard Pryor for three huge plays (Carlson TD, Moorah 39-yarder, Stokeley TD) and there's still 5 minutes left in the half...Credit the fans. Crowd noise causing more false starts than the ADHD 100M Dash...Saints get chip shot from Hartley, 24-20 Seahawks...halftime. 3RD QUARTER: Put the parlay in the books as Hasselbeck goes 38 to Mike Williams for TD 3 minutes in...Reggie Bush stinks, yet still looks pissed that Julius Jones is getting playing time...Seattle FG at 5:27, Saints go for it 4th and 1 at own 37 and are stuffed, then miraculously force a punt to stay alive. 4TH QUARTER: Saints get TD and FG and close the gap, problem is they've turned into an episode of Friends where for every Chandler/Joey comedy score the D plays Ross/Rachel and brings you back down...3:22 Marshawn Lynch goes 67 yards like Fred Flintstone carrying the whole Stony Rock team and the worst club in playoff history has dethroned the defending champs.
PHI.-G.B.: PLAY: Philly -2.5/Under 46. 1ST QUARTER: David Akers misses from 41 and the Under's off to a flying start...Desean Jackson's ankle gets rolled like a drunken "John" and Philly's minus 1 major weapon less then 8 minutes in...James Starks comes out of nowhere (U. of Buffalo actually) to give GB a run game...Philly D in the Red Zone is like a balanced breakfast to Karen Carpenter- it means nothing, and Rodgers finds Tom "You Can Call Me Chubsy-Ubsy" Crabtree for 7-0 lead...Announcer calls Jordy Nelson, "crafty, steady", I guess you just can't say "he's white"...GB's James Jones has dropped more balls this year than Michael J. Fox calling Bingo, but holds on off a Rodgers scramble and Philly's in trouble 14-3...And there's Jones calling out B14 on a perfect strike from Rodgers to save our Under just before halftime. 3RD QUARTER: Rodgers fumble, Avant TD and both ends of our parlay are alive 14-10...Rodgers right back to Brandon Jackson and we're in trouble again 21-10...4TH QUARTER: Akers with more shanks than a prison riot and we'll take a split as Philly fans get restless...Starks helps GB eat clock...Vick from 1 yd. makes it 21-16, 2-pt. fails as Akers' wife slips out of stadium quietly...Last chance, but Vick intercepted in end zone looking for Riley "Steady, Crafty" Cooper instead of Jax/Maclin and it's done.
FINAL THOUGHT: Rodgers rocks, add in any semblance of a running game to go with tough D and this team could be peaking at right time.
IND.-NYJ:
PLAY Jets +2.5/Over 44.5. 1ST QUARTER: First impression is that Joseph Addai is slow. Dial up internet slow. Molina brothers slow. Bad Guy/Heel escaping a Steel Cage in Pro Wrestling slow. Let's sign 52 year old Dominic Rhodes off the UFL Florida Tuskers roster slow...LT, on other hand, looks spry going for 23 on the first drive...Shonn Greene also looks fresh, but Sanchez has overthrown Keller more times than a Central American democracy and it's scoreless end of 1...2ND QUARTER: The entire game consists of drives that stall between the 40s and lead to pooch punts. Another disaster for our Over...Finally Manning to Garcon for 57 yds. 7-0 Colts...Jets drive back, but Sanchez intercepted at goal line. This won't fly vs. the Pats...45 seconds and the great Peyton on the field and HC Caldwell runs Rhodes up the middle, more on him later. Halftime...3RD QUARTER: Jets storm out to TD 7-7...Revis has made Reggie Wayne disappear like Spearchucker Jones from M*A*S*H (did they think they'd get away with that). Does he shadow Welker or Branch if Jets advance...Colts FG 10-7, but then...4TH QUARTER: Jets go on longest drive since I was 6 and Mom made us go to Mystic Seaport (17 plays) and it's Jets back on top...Fast forward to Colts 16-14, Jets in position for 49 yard FG attempt before Caldwell inexplicably calls timeout. Jets can still run down clock, but now get an extra play. 18 yards to Edwards, FG is now chippy, Manning throws up hands and it's not a good time to be Jim Caldwell.
FINAL NOTE: Jets will play better vs. Pats this time around, but Sanchez cannot waste opportunities like this and expect Brady/Belichick to stick around. Looking forward to excellent AFC matchups next week.
Friday, January 7, 2011
New Orleans Saints
Up until the current regime the saga of the Saints was one of planning so bad it made Jimmy Carter's Operation Eagle Claw (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Eagle_Claw) look good. Bad owners, bad GMs, bad coaches (we're looking at you Mike Ditka), pretty much bad everything. Yet we can pretty much pinpoint one incident that summarizes this nearly 40 years of ineptitude better than anything- the 1979 draft.
With the 11th pick that year, before Hall of Famers Kellen Winslow and Joe Montana, the Saints took punter Russell Erxleben of Texas thereby making him the highest selected punter ever. Now drafting any type of kicker in the first round is a risky proposition on par with, say, ordering the fish at Peter Luger's- no matter how good it is you'll still be sorry when they start carving up the sirloin. And if the 'Aints needed a historical lesson to drive this point home they had to look no further than the only K/P ever drafted higher than Erxleben, Charlie Gogolak (#6) by Washington in 1966. Gogolak lasted 3 years in DC, made an abysmal 55% of his FGs and was bounced in 1969 by incoming coach Vince Lombardi, never one to look favorably on Lollipop Guild-sized, Ivy Leaguers with British accents parading around as real football players. Oh yeah, Washington went a NY Islander-like 17-22-3 in Gogolak's 3 seasons.
And therein lies the problem. Teams selecting as early as the '79 Saints or '66 Redskins generally have more problems than a coupla extra FGs or a few yards in field position is going to solve. Coming off a mere 16 wins in the previous 4 seasons New Orleans was in no position to be tweaking a roster that had more holes than my college underwear. Even worse Erxleben wasn't even needed as 8th round Green Bay castoff Rick Partridge handled the punting chores that year to the tune of a 40.9 yard average, or .3 yards better than Erxleben for his career.
But alas in the more egalitarian NFL mid to small market teams like the Saints are not forever relegated to Kansas City Royal-dom by a few poor decisions. In 2006 GM Mickey Loomis made one of the best decisions since Waylon Jennings gave up his seat to The Big Bopper on the day the music died when he dumped the Jim Haslett/Aaron Brooks experiment and brought in Sean Payton and Drew Brees. A couple moves on D, a find in Marques Colston and next thing you know they're partying on Bourbon Street like Girls Gone Wild is in town. And by the way their punter Thomas Morstead- picked 164th overall. Lesson learned.
OFFENSE: The deal here is pretty much the same as the Colts. Injuries and lack of a run game are making this club more and more one dimensional and therefore easier for better teams to defend. Drew Brees has thrown 34 (rank 1) and 33 (2) TD passes in the last two years, the only difference being that he needed 114 more passes in 2010 to do slightly less. That's because the NO run game went from #5 in the league in '09 to #29 this year. Reggie Bush's fibula snapped like Beats at a poetry reading, Pierre Thomas proved more brittle than the gum in baseball card packs and now Chris Ivory has joined Thomas on IR meaning see ya in August 2011 for that duo. This means the ground game falls to Julius Jones and Ladell Betts a pair of backfield mates not likely to invoke visions of Hornung and Taylor. They may be able to get some balance vs. 7-9 Seattle, but beyond that it should be pass, pass, pass, and like the gay guy managing three boyfriends that's a lot of balls in the air.
DEFENSE: Defensively the Saints have been more stout than last year in terms of yards allowed and points, but the big difference is in turnovers. More specifically in interceptions where they went from 26 in 2009 to a mere 9 this season. Still hiring Gregg Williams and canning ex-Oklahoma coach Gary Gibbs was another strong management move that has produced results. Williams' defense finished 7th in points allowed while I've seen drunken nymphos put up more resistance that Gibbs' D in 2007/08- which come to think of it may say more about me than Gary Gibbs. Turnovers are always huge and for the most part unpredictable but if the Saints, who were -6 this year, can get a few more to fall their way in the playoffs maybe just enough defense and Drew Brees right arm can get them to Big D for the Big One when all's said and done.
The Lingerie Football League (http://www.lflus.com/) has announced a Pay-Per-View event for the weekend prior to the Super Bowl. Though why anyone would pay to see scantily clad bimbos on TV when you get the Spanish channel for free is hard to understand.
With the 11th pick that year, before Hall of Famers Kellen Winslow and Joe Montana, the Saints took punter Russell Erxleben of Texas thereby making him the highest selected punter ever. Now drafting any type of kicker in the first round is a risky proposition on par with, say, ordering the fish at Peter Luger's- no matter how good it is you'll still be sorry when they start carving up the sirloin. And if the 'Aints needed a historical lesson to drive this point home they had to look no further than the only K/P ever drafted higher than Erxleben, Charlie Gogolak (#6) by Washington in 1966. Gogolak lasted 3 years in DC, made an abysmal 55% of his FGs and was bounced in 1969 by incoming coach Vince Lombardi, never one to look favorably on Lollipop Guild-sized, Ivy Leaguers with British accents parading around as real football players. Oh yeah, Washington went a NY Islander-like 17-22-3 in Gogolak's 3 seasons.
And therein lies the problem. Teams selecting as early as the '79 Saints or '66 Redskins generally have more problems than a coupla extra FGs or a few yards in field position is going to solve. Coming off a mere 16 wins in the previous 4 seasons New Orleans was in no position to be tweaking a roster that had more holes than my college underwear. Even worse Erxleben wasn't even needed as 8th round Green Bay castoff Rick Partridge handled the punting chores that year to the tune of a 40.9 yard average, or .3 yards better than Erxleben for his career.
But alas in the more egalitarian NFL mid to small market teams like the Saints are not forever relegated to Kansas City Royal-dom by a few poor decisions. In 2006 GM Mickey Loomis made one of the best decisions since Waylon Jennings gave up his seat to The Big Bopper on the day the music died when he dumped the Jim Haslett/Aaron Brooks experiment and brought in Sean Payton and Drew Brees. A couple moves on D, a find in Marques Colston and next thing you know they're partying on Bourbon Street like Girls Gone Wild is in town. And by the way their punter Thomas Morstead- picked 164th overall. Lesson learned.
OFFENSE: The deal here is pretty much the same as the Colts. Injuries and lack of a run game are making this club more and more one dimensional and therefore easier for better teams to defend. Drew Brees has thrown 34 (rank 1) and 33 (2) TD passes in the last two years, the only difference being that he needed 114 more passes in 2010 to do slightly less. That's because the NO run game went from #5 in the league in '09 to #29 this year. Reggie Bush's fibula snapped like Beats at a poetry reading, Pierre Thomas proved more brittle than the gum in baseball card packs and now Chris Ivory has joined Thomas on IR meaning see ya in August 2011 for that duo. This means the ground game falls to Julius Jones and Ladell Betts a pair of backfield mates not likely to invoke visions of Hornung and Taylor. They may be able to get some balance vs. 7-9 Seattle, but beyond that it should be pass, pass, pass, and like the gay guy managing three boyfriends that's a lot of balls in the air.
DEFENSE: Defensively the Saints have been more stout than last year in terms of yards allowed and points, but the big difference is in turnovers. More specifically in interceptions where they went from 26 in 2009 to a mere 9 this season. Still hiring Gregg Williams and canning ex-Oklahoma coach Gary Gibbs was another strong management move that has produced results. Williams' defense finished 7th in points allowed while I've seen drunken nymphos put up more resistance that Gibbs' D in 2007/08- which come to think of it may say more about me than Gary Gibbs. Turnovers are always huge and for the most part unpredictable but if the Saints, who were -6 this year, can get a few more to fall their way in the playoffs maybe just enough defense and Drew Brees right arm can get them to Big D for the Big One when all's said and done.
The Lingerie Football League (http://www.lflus.com/) has announced a Pay-Per-View event for the weekend prior to the Super Bowl. Though why anyone would pay to see scantily clad bimbos on TV when you get the Spanish channel for free is hard to understand.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Seattle Seahawks
GENERAL: Let's be honest here, the Seahawks have about as much business in the playoffs as I do in the cast of Gossip Girl. Unfortunately, though, this year's NFC West was the worst division in the history of the league, so like Mr. Ethiopia, an Eskimo Beauty Pagaent or the French Medal of Honor somebody had to win it. That team was Seattle which dragged across the finish line like Kramer at the Aids Walk going 3-7 in their last 10 with the wins coming against the "Murder-ed Row" of 5-11 Arizona, 2-14 Carolina and St. Louis in the "play-in" finale. And that's exactly what that contest resembled- the tortured, forced play-in games that we dutifully ignore every March with the Rams playing Nicholls State to the Seahawks
IUPU-something or other. But now it's time to take on the Duke's and UCONN's of this world so like David Arquette and John Mellencamp's marriages it's just a matter of time...
but hey it was damn sure worth the ride!
OFFENSE: The breath of hope for bad teams that reach this point is the 2008 run of the Arizona Cardinals that ended just short of winning the big Golden Football. Sadly for fans in the Great Northwest the Cards were blessed with future Hall of Famer Kurt Warner throwing to future HOF-er Larry Fitzgerald while the Seabirds have- Charlie Whitehurst. Of course Whitehurst might not play if Matt Hasselbeck, who has a hip so fragile AARP won't insure it, is able to suit up. Still, Clemson Charlie was brought here to be the QB of the future, but unlike Timbuk 3 it appears Seattle fans don't have to wear shades. You see Whitehurst is just bad. Maybe not Sofia Coppola in The Godfather III bad, but more like Keanu Reeves in...well...anything bad. In other words he looks like a QB in terms of size and arm strength, but he plays like...well...Keanu Reeves in The Replacements. That's probably why most pure football fans were rooting for the Rams Sunday night. They seem like a team on the ascendancy while this crew looks like a mess. Their three best players-Hasselbeck, Mike Williams,Okung- are dinged, Marshawn Lynch is painfully slow and their best receiver at this point is the former Prime Minister of Ghana Ben Obomanu. Not exactly a recipe for keeping up with Drew Brees and the defending SB Champs. So like the maternity ward doctor told Sandra Bernhard's parents, "it looks like this one is gonna get ugly."
DEFENSE: When former longtime NFL defensive guru Pete Carroll bolted USC amidst the biggest scandal this side of whatever Sugar Bowl memorabilia Terrelle Pryor posted on E-Bay in the last two days the thought was at least the defense will improve. It didn't. The 'Hawks ranked between 21 and 28 in every pertinent defensive category including getting piledriven for 545 yards by the Raiders which is the NHL equivalent of giving up 3 goals to the NJ Devils. They have no Pro Bowlers on either side of the ball, their kick coverage units are suspect, but hey, Olindo Mare had a nice year so they've got that going for 'em. And now in the name of Carpel Tunnel Prevention I will not waste another keystroke on the football equivalent of the Democratic Senate- from Seahawks to Lame Ducks.
Perhaps I was a little rough on Charlie Whitehurst...
IUPU-something or other. But now it's time to take on the Duke's and UCONN's of this world so like David Arquette and John Mellencamp's marriages it's just a matter of time...
but hey it was damn sure worth the ride!OFFENSE: The breath of hope for bad teams that reach this point is the 2008 run of the Arizona Cardinals that ended just short of winning the big Golden Football. Sadly for fans in the Great Northwest the Cards were blessed with future Hall of Famer Kurt Warner throwing to future HOF-er Larry Fitzgerald while the Seabirds have- Charlie Whitehurst. Of course Whitehurst might not play if Matt Hasselbeck, who has a hip so fragile AARP won't insure it, is able to suit up. Still, Clemson Charlie was brought here to be the QB of the future, but unlike Timbuk 3 it appears Seattle fans don't have to wear shades. You see Whitehurst is just bad. Maybe not Sofia Coppola in The Godfather III bad, but more like Keanu Reeves in...well...anything bad. In other words he looks like a QB in terms of size and arm strength, but he plays like...well...Keanu Reeves in The Replacements. That's probably why most pure football fans were rooting for the Rams Sunday night. They seem like a team on the ascendancy while this crew looks like a mess. Their three best players-Hasselbeck, Mike Williams,Okung- are dinged, Marshawn Lynch is painfully slow and their best receiver at this point is the former Prime Minister of Ghana Ben Obomanu. Not exactly a recipe for keeping up with Drew Brees and the defending SB Champs. So like the maternity ward doctor told Sandra Bernhard's parents, "it looks like this one is gonna get ugly."
DEFENSE: When former longtime NFL defensive guru Pete Carroll bolted USC amidst the biggest scandal this side of whatever Sugar Bowl memorabilia Terrelle Pryor posted on E-Bay in the last two days the thought was at least the defense will improve. It didn't. The 'Hawks ranked between 21 and 28 in every pertinent defensive category including getting piledriven for 545 yards by the Raiders which is the NHL equivalent of giving up 3 goals to the NJ Devils. They have no Pro Bowlers on either side of the ball, their kick coverage units are suspect, but hey, Olindo Mare had a nice year so they've got that going for 'em. And now in the name of Carpel Tunnel Prevention I will not waste another keystroke on the football equivalent of the Democratic Senate- from Seahawks to Lame Ducks.
Perhaps I was a little rough on Charlie Whitehurst...
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