Movin' On Up...Sorta

Hey look at us, we're now on Bleacher Report...and just when I thought those 42 days of Community College where all for naught. Check it out here  http://bleacherreport.com/articles/614451-2011-nfl-draftcan-drew-brees-and-new-orleans-saints-avoid-worst-draft-ever Some old stuff, some new stuff, hell the whole blog is never more than three degrees of separation from a Seinfeld episode anyway so do a functioning alcholohic a favor and throw us a Page View. Like Senator Blutarsky said about brews at the Delta Tau Chi toga party, "don't cost nothin'". If they accept anymore of our intrepid ramblings we'll have the links here. And now a superflous dose of Regular Guy fantasy
...or as Charlie Sheen calls it, Tuesday Night (sorry apparently Blogspot removed the original picture in a rare moment of morality...I'm sure this will go over much better).

Life After Football

    Unlike the aborted, educational Peanuts After School Special That's Not A Cold Sore, Charlie Brown-The Revenge of Peppermint Patty neither the censors, the sponsors nor good, old common sense can stop us from forging ahead. Since drunk, disoriented and bankrupt souls keep trickling in here-which by the way is how Carrot Top maintains his Vegas act- I felt the need to reiterate that the blog will eventually go on. The occasional football stuff will be here- free agency and draft previews plus coaching carousel critiques- while we hope to have a baseball blog that will be linked to this site. Thanks for sticking with us and if you're new to these environs I'd recommend checking out the 4 Bowl and half dozen NFL team previews linked on the right to get an idea of the potpourri of sarcasm, cynicism and sidelong insight we deliver to the football pantheon. It really is a goodly number of words shaped into semi-coherence and we truly believe there are a few decent laughs to be had...or as my father said upon my graduation from college, "well, even a blind squirrel can find an acorn." Thanks Pop. Until then pitchers and catchers report tomorrow, the NHL/NBA is in full swing and the pigskin equivalent of a hand-job, the Arena Football League, revs up shortly so do try to keep busy. See you back here soon.

Let's Get This Over With...

Green Bay -3/45   
    Hundreds of paragraphs, dozens of bad pans, a multitude of pop culture references and a dash of football history later this blog is coming to the finish line...or as my Father commented after paging through my last two months of toil and sweat, "well, that certainly is a lot of words." Thanks Dad. But now as we stand perched on the TV Sports abyss that is the NHL Game of the Week (bring back Peter Puck, dammit) and Spring Training Baseball it's time to make our final selection of the season.
    Now to call me a cynic is like saying Nicole Richie is a picky eater or Gary Busey's a bit quirky. Thus despite being faced with deciding between the theoretically two best team's in the NFL like Frank Costanza at the Festivus Airing of the Grievances I have a lot problems with these teams.
    Looking at Pittsburgh I see a club that was not exactly a road demon at the end of the year, nearly getting outscored overall in 5 of their last six road games that included tilts with such under/non achievers as Buffalo, Cincinnati and Miami. They also lost to a then reeling Jet team before righting the ship versus the mailing-it-in pair of Carolina and Cleveland. So far in the playoffs it's been a mixed bag. Coming from behind via the arm of Roethlisberger to beat Baltimore then running off and hiding vs. a Jets team that came out flat behind a big running day from Mendenhall. In neither game did they top 300 yards in offense and there was still a chance for both opponents to overcome their horrendous Halfs and pull the game out late. Their run defense is unshakeable, but their pass D is more middle of the road, bolstered by a a league leading 48 sacks. Problem is Green Bay by their own admission doesn't care if they run for many yards as long as they stay close enough to get the requisite attempts to keep the defense honest. Additionally Aaron Rodgers is an effective runner, much better than Flacco or Sanchez which may help to mitigate the Steeler blitz.
    But before you think we're leaning Green Bay's way let's look at the Pack's foibles of which we found several. First off the Lombardi Boys did not exactly play a killer schedule. Of their three wins vs. playoff teams in two (against the Eagles and Jets) they were outgained and the other was against a Bear team, that had clinched their #2 seed, in the last game of the year. In the playoffs their win over Atlanta seems a bit suspect when you consider that the Saints loss to Seattle seems to taint the quality of the whole NFC South pool. The following week in a return engagement with the Bears they almost let a guy who sounds like he should be as The"other" Eagles put it "out riding fences", Caleb Hanie, nearly pull off an improbable comeback in a game they should've won handily. In terms of offense we have complete faith in Aaron Rodgers which is good since James Starks and company should be as effective as Anderson Cooper's bodyguards in Cairo. Defensively Green Bay was very effective against the pass, but very average versus the run. So what does it all add up to?
    We see a close game with each team's strengths and weaknesses playing off each other. That said Special Teams might play a big role and in terms of the kicking game Green Bay gets the nod. P Tim Masthay was nearly team MVP against Chicago, Mason Crosby we know is solid and as for Steeler kicker Shaun Suisham, well, like Michael Jackson' marriage to Lisa Marie Presley something just doesn't seem right. Hard to picture the Redskins castoff going all Vinatieri in this one. Aaron Rodgers is the ultimate hot hand here, but remember he did not throw a TD against the Bears and had two picks. With no threat at TE, Donald Driver nicked up and James Jones/Jordy Nelson not looking like guys who will step up Mr. Rodgers may not find it such a beautiful day in Harrison/Polumalu's neighborhood. Conversely the Steelers will try to run and should have some success. Even if Mike Wallace is eliminated as a deep threat Heath Miller and Hines Ward could be effective underneath. Therefore our prediction in order of strength is Under and Pittsburgh. Good luck...and if you've learned one thing here I think it's, please, stay off the drugs.

From The Diamonds On The Sidewalk To The Dirt In The Gutter

THE FIVE WORST SUPER BOWL FOLLOWUPS

    Success can be fleeting. Just ask Dexy’s Midnight Runners, Harper Lee or the guy who played “Epstein” on Welcome Back Kotter and they’ll no doubt tell you that today’s gold may turn into tomorrow’s garbage. With Super Bowl XLV only days away the Green Bay Packers and Pittsburgh Steelers find themselves on top of the world, but just as Seinfeld begat The Marriage Ref, Dances With Wolves led to Waterworld and the folks who blew our minds with “White Rabbit” tortured our very souls with “We Built This City on Rock N Roll” things can change at any minute. As proof here’s our list of the five worst Super Bowl follow-ups of all time:

1988 Washington Redskins- You’d expect the services of Jay Schroeder as your starting QB to be in as much demand as, say, Andy Dick’s Daycare, but if you were in our nation’s capitol in the ‘80’s you’d be mistaken. Fresh off an All-Pro selection in 1986 Schroeder was expected to be the helmsmen that made them forget Joe Theismann and his dangling tibia in the Land of The Hogs. Unfortunately Jay went the route of Joe winding up on IR late in the ’87 season forcing Joe Gibbs to hand the ball over to a 32 year-old Doug Williams fresh off a two year run with the Oklahoma/Arizona Outlaws of the USFL. That Williams was actually third choice as starter behind an undrafted, unknown and frankly made up sounding Ed “The Legend” Rubbert (http://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/R/RubbEd20.htm) was quickly forgotten when ol’ Doug had the game of his life in winning Super Bowl XXII. Next thing you know Schroeder was off to Oakland, Williams returned to missing receivers like they were 7:15 Monday morning Poly-Sci classes and the folks in D.C. were left wondering where it all went wrong in a 7-9 year.

2003 Oakland Raiders- Unless you’re running a Thai brothel or Vietnamese sneaker factory employing veteran experience is generally a plus, but in 2002 Al Davis’ Traveling Circus took this idea to Matlock demographics-like levels. With the exception of Jerry Porter every significant skill position player was on the wrong side of 30 including an Early Bird Special dining Jerry Rice who led the team in receptions and yards at the tender age of 41. Throw in a defense led by a pair of 37 year-olds in Rod Woodson and Bill Romanowski and this squad seemed more likely to break a collective hip than wind up in the Super Bowl. When QB Rich Gannon, RBs Wheatley and Garner, as well as, the aforementioned defensive duo predictably succumbed to injuries the following year the Raiders limped home 4-12. Since then it’s been “Just Lose, Baby” with zero playoff appearances and only one season, this last, with more than 5 victories. But you’re right, Al, Tom Cable was the problem.

1987 New York Giants- We all know Bill Parcells’ is a genius and like many a genius he can be temperamental when people fool with his master work. The NFL owners did just that in 1987 when they locked the players out two games into the season. And the fact that The Gi’nts had already lost those two games made it the perfect time for the Pear-shaped Parcells (I wished he coached the Vikings so it would look like they had McDonald’s Grimace on the sidelines) to cop an excuse for his underachieving club. Thus when the owners decided to use replacement players in an attempt to force a settlement with the Player’s Union Big-Boned Bill announced in a fit of pique that he refused to hold tryouts and would simply use the first 40 bodies that walked through the door. That the team’s replacement QB Mike Busch completed a Ryan Leaf meets Quincy Carter-like 36.2% of his passes and the team lost both games on the way to a 6-9 record is “Clay Aiken comes out of the closet” kind of shocking.

1999 Atlanta Falcons- Unfortunately sometimes timing is everything. And like proposing to Kirstie Alley right before she had her first Krispy Kreme

Minnesota kicker Gary Anderson’s was off in 1998 when his only miss in 40 FG attempts helped send Atlanta to Super Bowl XXXIII. But that wasn’t the only bit of good luck the Dirty Birds experienced that year. A miraculous run of health led to a 194 point turnaround as the defense went from 20^th to 5^th overall, Jamal Anderson survived a mind-numbing 410 carries and an aging Chris Chandler dodged the MRI tube long enough to register the only plus 100 QB Rate of his career. Alas, as Charlie Sheen’s liver is letting him know (hernia, my ass), the good times don’t last forever. In ’99 the defense regressed back to a nasty mean ranking 25^th in points allowed, Chris Chandler reverted to his usual Game Manager at best form and Jamal Anderson tore up his ACL like an out of state parking ticket a mere 391 attempts shy of the previous year all adding up to a spot on our list at 5-11.

1990 Denver Broncos- Like the Grey Cup or a Goodwill Games gold medal the 1989 AFC Final was a Title no one cared about. See the Denver Broncos were the only team in the conference that year to finish with more than 9 wins while the NFC was so strong both Green Bay and Washington stayed home come playoff time despite 10-6 records. Two uninspiring playoff victories later and the Mile High-ers turned biggest “jobbers" since Frankie Williams (http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/profiles/f/frankie-williams.php) appeared on “Piper’s Pit” laying down for Bill Walsh’s Frisco dynasty in a 55-10 pounding. When 1990 rolled around the John Elway-led offense continued to hold its own despite Dan Reeves’ conservative, Fantasy stat crushing gameplan, but the defense went into a spiral of Leif Garrett-esque proportions allowing over 145 points more than ’89 and contributing mightily to a -18 swing in turnovers as the Broncos would finish a mere 5-11 in the worst team season of Elway’s career.

Honorable Mention- 1982 S.F 49ers (3-6), 1999 Denver Broncos (6-10), 2005 Philadelphia Eagles (6-10)

 Back tomorrow afternoon with our picks!