--To subscribe to this page or follow us on Twitter go back to the Home Page and links are on the right. To those who asked we're not on InstaGram which is a term I last heard used in college for a pot dealer who would deliver to your dorm room. I'm assuming that meaning has changed. However, you can find us on FaceBook with a picture of Shirley Booth from Hazel for some reason at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Bowling-Til-It-Hurts/144323018970626 As far as other social media is concerned...you can Pinterest my ass...now moving on...
--Happy Birthday to rapper/horticulturist Snoop Dogg who with each passing year, along with Willie Nelson, is the greatest living evidence for the Legalization of Marijuana folks. He's still looking spry, brain cells be damned, though at 42 he admitted it's time to drop by his General Practitioner to get a "Prostizzle exam and my Cholestorizzle checked out." Enjoy!
--They say "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"...except for Chlymidia and now apparently spousal abuse. Word is 32 year old former Chief RB Larry Johnson (I know, he ran like he was 60) is being brought back to Nevada on charges of slapping around his wife in the corridor of a Strip hotel. Though in his defense we think this may be a case of mistaken identity in that
Grandmama did it...what's that...wrong Larry Johnson?--CHEERLEADER NEWS: I always have problems with labels. To me Dr. Jekyll sounds like the bad one, until recently I had assumed The Great Gatsby was about a magician and I happily acquiesced to a girlfriend's suggestion of renting the movie Beaches figuring I can handle 90 minutes of High School humor and bimbos bouncing around in bikinis-an hour and half of Bette Midler/Barbara Hershey later the sight of sand still causes me to weep instantly.
More in line with what I was expecting...So when I heard Cincinnati Bengals Cheerleader/High School teacher Sarah Jones was sleeping with her students I immediately thought..."Dream Maker", but apparently the label used by the State of Kentucky is "Predator".
For once, however, prosecutors didn't claim it was the students who turned in Ms. Jones. Something that I always found strange since as an former awkward, acne-faced adolescent I can assure you any sex in High School that didn't end with me limping out of Jerry Sandusky's shower woulda been fine by me.
What really bothers me though is the sense of entitlement American kids have today. Sarah Jones' lover got to have sex with an NFL Cheerleader and straight A's in her classes. Meanwhile in the Phillipines a Law School student had to sleep with this guy
If I got in trouble for banging this in High School I would've invoked the old Food That Dropped On The Floor Rule...anything less than 5 seconds doesn't count...NFL
--Prior to and after Monday Nights' San Diego Charger debacle ESPN QB analysts like Trent Dilfer, Tim Hasselbeck and Ron Jaworski gave Phillip Rivers play more analysis than you find in the Penguin Books edition of Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis. Back foot, front foot, release point, shoulder dip, hip rotation, everything except what is really the matter with the Chargers offense...diminishing talent. From 2008 to 2011 Rivers was a Top 10 Fantasy QB throwing to the likes of Vincent Jackson, Antonio Gates and Darren Sproles. Now he's QB17 despite not having seen his Bye yet and playing against what Pro Football Reference ranks the easiest sked in the NFL.
You just don't rip the heart and soul out of a group and expect it to carry on like normal. Just ask Van Halen. Darren Sproles had 59 receptions in 2010, but was left to free agency and proved his worth by catching 86 balls in New Orleans last year. Vincent Jackson's production in Tampa this year proves he's a field stretcher of the highest caliber. He's raised the play of 2011 lost cause Josh Freeman so we can only speculate he's had a similiarly negative influence on the QB he left. And finally watching Antonio Gates these days in just painful. With his bloated body and chronic foot problems he looks like those old videos of Babe Ruth rounding the bases everytime he runs a circle route. He can still produce, but much of it seems forced due to lack of other options.
As for Rivers current catching crew beyond Gates Malcolm Floyd is 32 and while he has the speed of Tim Raines he shows up like Claude Rains while Robert Meachem is the NFL's version of Matt LeBlanc, great in an ensemble cast (Friends/Saints) terrible in a lead role (Joey/Chargers). Looks like it's not just time (or past time) for Norv Turner to go in San Diego, but also GM A.J. Smith because sometimes it's not the bow, it's the Indian.
--If you watched the Giants-49ers Week 6 you were witness to a coach calling perhaps the worst Challenge since the one Alexander Hamilton issued to Aaron Burr. It was a down by contact call that was so clear the referee spent about as much time "under the hood" as Malcolm X. The announcers blamed the booth for giving Harbaugh bad advice, but replays showed him throwing the Challenge flag before the ball was even marked by the officials. Harbaugh is now 5-14 on Challenges in his stint in San Fran, but the bigger takeaway may be his impetuous attitude. The NFL today may not have parity throughout, but at the upper reaches there seems to be a plateau where several teams are interchangeable depending on the week. Any small advantage is key and timeouts are not like plastic shopping bags. You can't just reach into that space between the counter and refrigerator for a never-ending supply. Alex Smith's woes are already limiting enough for the Niners without giving away other advantages. San Fran is still the favorite out West, but big games at New England and Seattle late in the year could prove crucial. Harbaugh needs to keep his cool both on and off the field if this solid, but still flawed group is going to improve on last year's effort.
--Word out of Green Bay is that injured RB Cedric Benson was asked by police to stay away from the team's facility while they investigated a recent death threat he received. The authorities think the threat comes from an irate Fantasy owner of Benson who went down two weeks ago with a Lisfranc (pronounced liz-frank) injury to his foot. Benson is recuperating at home until police clear his return, but has been updating fans thru an online diary. An excerpt of which we print here:
...though I am forced to hide behind these walls I need not live in fear. I still believe Fantasy Football players are basically good and I think of the season still left and am happy. For inside the darkness lies a piece of hope. I will be back Week 14 for your playoffs. So I rejoice, but with some sadness. Ah, but who would think so much would rest on the foot of such a young man...
We'll be back next week with more from The Diary of my Lisfranc Injury by Cedric Benson.
And thank you to the many pictures I've posted of Denise Milani for helping me improve my ability to type with my left hand...--Last week our selections tanked. I listed my play on Miami at -3 which would have been a push, but realized later I was looking at the opening line and that it closed at -4.5 or -5 so we'll accept the loss. Overall we're 2-3 with Fred at 1-2 and myself at 1-1.
This week Fred is on Tennessee +3.5. As for me if there's one thing I learned about cartoons and Gilligan's Island is that they overestimated the occurrence in real life of quicksand and mirages. Last week, however, I did see a mirage in the Jets win over Indianapolis. We can't keep track of our articles anymore, but in one we noted Andrew Luck would be in only the second road game (also read outdoors) of his NFL career. In his first the Colts were routed by the Bears and last week was more of the same as not only was Luck bad, but a banged-up defense allowed Shonn Greene, who runs with all the alacrity of Chairman Mao on The Long March, to go for an unconscionable 161 yards and 3 scores. That's not happening this week against zoftig Vince Wilfork and the Pats meaning the game's back in Mark Sanchez's hands where it should never be. Last year after dropping games to the Steelers and Giants Belichick's Boys pounded the Jets in Foxboro 37-16. More of the same this year so we'll go Pats -10.5.
--Finally last week's plays against the worst Strength of Schedule teams went 2-1 so this week how 'bout listing the teams to play the Toghest Skeds according to Pro Football Reference: Dallas, Carolina, Green Bay and St. Louis. Unfortunatley these teams square off against each other, but we will say Dallas is far and away the leader in this Department so they might be worth a roll in Carolina today.
Like Warwick...we're Dunn...except for this...
