Fortunately while Kinky Friedman was right in his assessment that "they ain't making Jews like Jesus anymore" they are making ones, in my district at least, that moaned and complained the way to getting me a much needed 4-day weekend in honor of Rosh Hashanah. So to them I raise my glass of Manischewitz and say, "L'chaim"!
Of course that should've meant that this post didn't come down to the wire on CFB gameday as usual, but not unexpectedly yours truly and a few colleagues used the time off to give new meaning to the expression "High Holidays" so here we are again. Nonetheless I will forge through this Herculean hangover to bring you the Saturday sports snarkiness you so crave...or at least the requisite pinup girls and spread selections you can go against...but let's start with...
MLB
--Wow Boston and Atlanta what can we say? We haven't seen such symmetrical chokes since John Bonham and Keith Moon both decided to sleep on their backs. The Braves were in trouble early after Houston's Brett Myers got lit up like Richard Pryor on a Freebase binge allowing 7 hits and 5 runs in the first inning to the Cardinals, but the Red Sox turned in the biggest Boston gag since Albert DeSalvo got locked up.
First the Yankees lose a 7 run lead, then Paplebon blows the save and finally the Rays win on a walk-off and before you know it every "whiskey-dicked" Mick from Cheers to the Beacon Hill Pub was thinking move over Bucky Dent and Aaron Boone because Dan "F---ing" Johnson (with his .108 average) and Evan "F---ing" Longoria just joined the club.
And in a final note to Sawx fans is it possible the Yankees were just screwing with you when they sent Scott Proctor, who has an E.R.A. over 6 in each of his last 3 seasons, out there for a third inning of work? Remember just cause you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you...
CFB
--The Mississippi State/Louisiana Tech and South Carolina/Vanderbilt games were airing simultaneously on consecutive channels on my cable system last week and flipping back and forth one got a lesson on how to coach defense on the College level.
In the pros pretty much everybody has a vertical passing game, but in CFB this is often not the case. Both Vandy and LA Tech came into their respective road games last week with the same idea-run the ball and throw short, safe passes that would spend less time in the air than Buddy Holly on "The Day The Music Died". Vandy because their QB is a run first option type and Tech because they were starting a 17 year old true freshmen in a hostile environment.
Against this South Carolina DC Lorenzo Ward chose to blitz incessantly, bring his safeties up close and play press coverage on the corners. Thus the Commodores' QBs completely barely 60 % of their passes for a ridiculously low 3.7 yards per pass and were held to 44 yards total offense for the game. Conversely Mississippi State decided to stay mostly in their Rush 4/Cover 7 zone defense and yielded 73% completions and 359 yards in total offense to a QB that shaves less than Chaz Bono. Sure MSU won by 6, but this is a team that looks like it will give up a lot of points and a lot of Overs as the meat of SEC sked unfolds.
--Last week we apologize for handing out two luke-warm suggestions (Mississippi St. and Troy) that failed to cover. What we should've done when the slate of games yielded no strong feelings is revert back to an old standby theory of ours-play against teams that appear for the first time in the AP Top 25 (particularly if those teams are on the road). That number in parantheses next to a team name tends to inflate their worth in the eyes of the public when in fact their ascension may just be a case of beating up on weak sisters while teams facing tougher foes and losing drop out of the polls. Last week USC jumped up to #23 while slipping past the uninspiring trio of Minnesota, Utah and Syracuse all in the Coliseum. In their first road tilt they wound up at unranked Arizona State and were actually getting points. The resulting 43-22 drubbing knocked them into the "Also Receiving Votes" section of this week's poll and sent HC Lane Kiffin into a spiral of depression until he remembered this is his wife...
Layla Kiffin...film study, schmilm study Coach Kiffin's gotta get home.--In a similiar vein Clemson popped into the Top 25 last week following their win at home vs. an overrated Auburn. This week they take to the road for the first time against Virginia Tech who'll be laying 7. Looks like a good size number, but that's what Arkansas backers said about the two TDs they were getting from 'Bama last week...we're going with the Hokies.
--Another team to watch along these lines is Notre Dame. Since the Irish started 0-2 they haven't hit the Top 25 yet, but because they are such a "public" team whatever way they are trending it's generally advisable to bet the opposite. For example after their two loss start this year folks were jumping off the ND bandwagon like turn of the century immigrants from the Triangle Shirtwaist building just in time to see them shock the betting world by covering at -6 vs. Michigan State. Last week they went to Pitt with their stock on the rise and won outright, but failed to cover. Today they're giving John Holmes-like wood against a God awful Purdue team so things could go either way. Still a big win could vault them back into the Top 25 so keep an eye open for a strong go against (especially away from South Bend) in the near future.
--The late, great George Carlin used to say that "through process of elimination it was possible to determine the worst doctor in the world and what's worse is somebody has an appointment with him tomorrow." Similiarly it's possible through the same procss to determine the worst coach in FBS football, but in contrast no one is being coached by him today. That's because New Mexico HC Mike Locksley saw his season finish faster than me in a hot tub with Sofia Vergara when the University of New Mexico canned him 4 games in. Considering his 2-26 record it's hardly a shock especially in light of the Lobos recent loss to Sam Houston State in effort that had it been put up by Old Mexico against the original Sam Houston probably would've saved us the tragedy of the Alamo. Additionally "Coach Lock" has sexual harassment charges and a DWI pending against him, but I don't care what anyone says...I miss him already.
--And finally we'll throw a play out there on Michigan State +3 over Ohio State. The Buckeyes switched QBs, but still can't throw so we'll go with the more balanced Spartans and the FG.
--Oh yeah...cheerleaders...
Indeed tongues are wagging after the Sun Devils win over USC!Also see our Women of ESPN post with Erin Andrews pics here http://bowltilithurts.blogspot.com/2011/06/something-in-way-she-says-gamecocks.html
NFL Notes Tomorrow A.M.
