--Word out of Dallas is that after last week's performance a distraught Tony Romo tried to throw himself in front of a bus...but he was intercepted. Actually we only kid cause we love (in other words the Lions were my Fantasy defense last week) and because when you make $10M and are banging this
well the blogosphere's snarky sarcasms bounce off you like rehab off Tom Sizemore. Keep gutting it out TR, if the 'Boys get healthy we may yet see a second half run.--Some folks think we're doing a schtick here when we call these "drunken ramblings" and "semi-coherent streams of consciousness", but unfortunately we're not. Or to paraphrase George Costanza-these writings are not embellished because, sadly, they need no embellishment. They are just the pathetic story of my life as a crude, callow, oft-inebriated, immature man-child. Case in point is the fact that last week our original NFL post made mention of BTK look-a-like Brad Childress as Vikings HC. Of course Chilly was whacked halfway throurgh the 2010 season and replaced by current HC Leslie Frazier. I analyzed this mistake by creating a graph in which the X-axis represented Leslie Frazier's blandness and the Y-axis my state of buzzed-ness and found they met at "Who gives a F--K!" They'll be cleaning house and ushering in the...good God say it ain't so...Christian Ponder era in Minny by Week 8. And thanks to reader TomD for uncovering that faux pas your "Bowling Til' It Hurts" T-Shirt will be in the mail as soon as I fish it out of the bottom of my hamper.
Bind, Torture, Kill...ironically that seems to be what Childress did to Minnesota's fan base.--On the surface parity is a real thing in the NFL with teams often going from "worst to first" in their divisions and making miraculous leaps forward or falls back in short order. Yet as we mentioned in previous posts sometimes you have to dig down deep to find out if a team's metamorphosis is real or a mirage. We've noted that unlike many others we are not that high on Tampa Bay this year. So far their 3-1 start has made us look less than prophetic, but again scratching below the surface we see their record may not be all it appears. Close games (those decided by 7 pts. or less) are a fact of life in the NFL and they are often won or lost not on merit, but rather a fluke turnover, bad call or some other stroke of luck. Last year one team, Atlanta, benefitted from +5 close wins and two teams, Cincinnati and Dallas, were -5 close losses. Betting on Cinncy/Dallas and against Atlanta this year has produced a 7-4-1 ATS record as luck or lack thereof balances out. Bringing this back to the Buccaneers their 3 wins this season have come by 4, 3 and 7 points respectively with the 4 and 7 point wins coming against winless Minnesota and Indianapolis. Today they are plus 2 at a well coached and surprising San Fran. The Niners have also benefitted from back-to-back close wins vs. Cinncy/Philly. We'll have our pick(s) below, but if Tampa isn't a go against this week you may want to consider it when they face New Orleans (twice) and Chicago over the next 4 weeks. Wow, an actual useful segment brought to you by coffee...the non-Irish variety!
Normally when your belt is bigger than your shorts it's cause you've beaten John Cena...not that were complaining.--Once after failing to connect the ancient epic poet Homer to a quote from the Oddysey on a matching section of a test a student complained to me that he "had watched every episode of The Simpsons and could swear Homer never said that." I bring this up because no matter how much as an educator you think you're getting through to people there's always some idiot that brings you back to Earth. Last week's Dummy Du Jour was Ronnie Brown who attempted to throw a pass while being tackled by three 49ers at the goal line and ended up fumbling away a certain Eagles victory. If you missed it look here...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=QZjS121zEZM
Which brings us to another Eagles point, that being why did the signing of Nanandi Asomugha suddenly make Philly everyone's preseason "Dream Team". In 8 years as a starter in Oakland Asomugha's presence never helped the Raiders finish better than 18th in total D and 6 of the 8 years they finished 23rd or worse. Maybe it wasn't Nnandi's fault, but it does point out that defense is a team game and one player alone can't completely turn things around. The bigger issue in Eagleville appears to be the untimely passing of former DC Jim Johnson, an agressive and imaginative defensive architecht. In the two years since his death Philly has gone from 4th to 19th and 21st respectively (23rd this year) in total D. Today they get the even more defensively challenged Bills at -3/53 in a game where it may be time to right the ship or face a hostile fan base and sports radio crowd in the City of (less than) Brotherly Love.
--And before our selections a RIP to the legendary Al Davis. Love him or hate him...and Raider fans often vascillated from one extreme to the other...he did dedicate his life to making the NFL the best it could be. It was folks like Davis and the late Wellington Mara who put their own interests aside to develop and allow ideas like the AFL/NFL merger and profit sharing that were designed to not only benefit themselves, but to raise all ships-owners, players and even fans alike. They're the reason the NFL is what it is...the greatest spectator sport in the world today. Goodbye to a Great One!
You know I never really saw Davis and Ed Grimley together...--Last week our pick of St. Louis took it on the chin like a far-sighted prostitute performing fellatio. On the bright side yesterday's college selections were 2-0 so maybe things are heating up. Who knows, but for the heck of it we'll throw out Philly -3 and San Francisco -2.5 as our picks. Fantasy sleeper of the day and moving forward is Stevan Ridley of New England who runs hard and will benefit this week and possibly going forward from an injury to Danny Woodhead. And finally we are not promoting these as plays, but people liked our Bad Teams=Under Bets Theory last week which went 2-1 so today's possibilities include K.C./Indy at 38, Ari./Minny at 45 and Cin./Jax. at 37. Plus Fred's pick of the day is Pittsburgh -3 which has it's logic (see our Pit./Sea. notes from Week 2) and maybe like Marshall's Gouda don't sleep on the Under 41 there. I'm done...bring on the booze!
Former WCW valet Major Gunns in what is literally the least amount of clothes we could find on a woman and still post it here.Old school wrestling jokiness at the "Seminal Sluts" and "Crimson Mask" titles, Erin Andrews and the girls of ESPN at "Something In The Way She Says Gamecocks", Lenny Dykstra mockery at "The Dumbest Guy In The Room" and Rex Ryan and N.Y. Mets slamming under the eponymous headings.
