Crystal Bernard: Wings' answer to Gilligan's Island's Mary Ann and a stalker's Courtney Thorne-Smith backup plan.CFB Notes
--In his first tour at Kansas State (1989-05) HC Bill Snyder was known for two things-turning around one of the worst programs in the NCAA and playing a non-conference schedule softer than the Placebo Control group in an Erectile Dysfunction trial. During that run the Wildcats would rise steadily in the polls through mid-November, twice reaching #2 in the nation, before being exposed late in the year. Most famously blowing a chance at the National Title tilt by losing to Texas A&M as a 14 point fave in the '98 Big 12 Championship game.
So all this casts in doubt K-State's surprising 5-0 start and current #17 ranking. At first glance though one might think this isn't your father's KSU. Sure they opened with Eastern Kentucky and Kent State, but wins vs. Miami (FL), #15 Baylor and Missouri seem to solidify their Top 25 credentials, but digging a bit deeper even these wins aren't all they could be. They've been outgained in each effort, but have survived via +3 turnovers and an unsustainable 52% conversions on 3rd and 4th down combined. They also have an aerial attack that barely matches the Egyptians during the Six Day War throwing for an anemic 127 ypg. Today the Wildcats travel to Texas Tech and are +3.5 despite playing a squad that barely nipped a putrid Kansas club and allows 224 ypg on the ground. If they don't get tripped up here they'll likely be 7-0 heading into a 4 week run of Oklahoma, Oklahoma St., Texas A&M and Texas starting October 29. Wager as you see fit.
--I recently changed the occupation listing on my FaceBook profile to read "Gentlemen Farmer" which prompted a torrid of "WTF" (why the face?) messages from dismayed friends and family. To date it's unclear whether they take umbrage with me calling myself a "Farmer" or a "Gentlemen", but chances are it's a little from Column A and a little from Column B.
Conversely when people made the idea of "Student-Athletes" on the Florida football program a running joke during Steve Spurrier's tenure in the '90's it was more than obvious which half of that monicker they took offense with. Add in the fact that UF once tried to trademark the phrase "World's Biggest Outdoor Cocktail Party" for their game with Georgia in order to cash in on the t-shirt revenue (and isn't that the choicest plum of them all) and that Spurrier himself when told a fire had destroyed over 10,000 books at the UGA Library commented, "that's too bad, I heard some of them weren't even colored yet" you get the idea that the relationship between football and scholastics was akin to that of Hannity to Colmes; or at least should've been written something like this, student-ATHLETES.
So when people were shocked that Spurrier kicked QB Stephen Garcia off the Gamecock roster this week it seemed odd. Sure Garcia was suspended for the seemingly minor infraction of failing a test, a Sharia Law-like move that seems akin to getting the Death Penalty in Thailand for banging a 14 year-old...I mean, when in Rome...And I know Garcia had been booted 5 times previously, but as '80's MLB-er Steve "Slowhand" Howe can attest 6 offenses ain't necessarily the charm. No Garcia got canned because last week backup QB Connor Shaw stepped into the starter's role and delivered 311 yards and 4 TDs on the way to a 54-3 rout. This is how Dictatorship's work. You're survival is linked to your usefulness to the King...so goodbye Stephen Garcia we hardly knew Ye!
--And speaking of Dictators during his run as Reichs-Fuhrer of Germany Adolph Hitler presided over the domestic killing sprees "The Night of Long Knives" and "The Night of Broken Glass" which always led us to believe that the best way to survive a totalitarian regime was to not go out at night.
Similiarly the best way to stay hired as a FBS Head Coach this year is to not be named "Mike". Less than two weeks after New Mexico canned Mike Locksley Arizona made Mike Stoops the second HC to be fired in season.
Stoops, of course, is the brother of highly successful Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops, but apparently Jim and John Harbaugh they're not. Mike, the Jeremy to Bob's Jason Giambi, has hovered around .500 for his entire 41-50 tenure at U of A though he did turn in 3 straight minor bowl appearances over the last 3 years. Still whenever I see a family member of a great coach get a job it reminds me of the collosal injustice the cheapest man in football, Mike Brown, perpertrated on Cincinnati Bengals' fans in the '90's. With the faithful screaming for a big name coach to be hired after the departure of Sam Wyche in 1992 Brown gave the people what they wanted and hired Shula. Oh no not Don, but David Shula who as QBs coach in Dallas had been passed over 3 times for the Offensive Coordinator job by HC Jimmy Johnson. Oh yeah, Davey was no Goliath going 19-52 in 4 and a half seasons in Cinncy. So let this be a lesson if you're ever named an NFL GM or major college AD. You're not disecting peapods with Gregor Mendel here...or, in other words, coaching talent is not always in the genes.
Looks like OU you got the best in this set of twins as well...--Finally some quick hits...Notre Dame scored 50 points last week for the first time since 2003. In fact since Lou Holtz left ND has topped the big 5-0 only twice and followed those efforts with non-covering performances vs. Navy (21-17 win) in '97 and Syracuse (38-12 loss) in '03. They're off this week and still haven't cracked the Top 25 so maybe the public isn't completely on the bandwagon yet, but as we mentioned last week keep an eye open for Go Against situations as the season progresses. One possibility: Nov. 5 at Wake Forest...Also last week we mentioned Tulsa being underrated due to a killer early sked. Today they get a bad UAB team with a coach, Frank Callaway, who has one foot on a banana peel and one foot in a radio color analyst job. The Golden Hurricane is laying 21 there...And finally Jerry Seinfeld has a bit where he says when he sees traffic that's completely stopped he wonders what's going to happen in the future. Are people actually going to be going backwards? Last week the Over on points scored by Vandy against Alabama was 3. They didn't cover which led me to wonder if the line could actually be negative when they faced LSU. Sadly they're not scheduled.
Too bad Vandy fans, a trip to Baton Rouge mighta been worth the drubbing. And as for the girl on the right, is it possible for a body to be so hot it's painful?--Now for some picks. Last week we went 2-0 with West Virginia and the Rutgers/Pitt Under, but as the mutual fund people are always sure to tell us past success does not guarantee future results. Today let's try the aforementioned Tulsa at -21 and sticking with the C-USA how 'bout UTEP +1.5 over Tulane in what could be a shootout (the number's at 57). Good luck and enjoy the games.
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