Inspired by the tongue-in-cheek press conference that got Wes Welker suspended for the 1st Quarter of Sunday's Divisional Playoff game (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WCb17psf8A) we present a Foot Fetishists All-Pro team. Feel free to add your own ideas in the comment section. And now after a little intro music from Little Feat...here's the Rex Ryan All-Stars:
QB Archie Manning (NO/'71-84)- Peyton and Eli's daddy was a quality QB stuck on bad teams in the early years of the Saints franchise. In his 10+ seasons in the Big Easy his teams never posted a winning record. Not to mention he was never blessed with a Hakeem Nicks or Reggie Wayne to throw to. His best receiver being possession man Danny Abramowicz whose career was curtailed after suffering a severe concussion from running into a sideline TV camera which in the 1970s were approximately the size of the Space Shuttle.
QB Heath Shuler (WAS/'94-97)- Namesake of my still in the embryonic stage "Heath Shuler Theory" which states that if no quality QB enters the draft one will be made up to fill the void. Think Alex Smith 2005 here. Problem is teams at the top of the draft need QBs as the Redskins did in 1994 when they jettisoned aging Mark Rypien and his 56.3 QB Rate. This meant the team had to draft a signal caller or turn the offense over to some woman named Cary Conklin (http://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/C/ConkCa00.htm). Choosing to bypass the aforementioned Ms. Conklin the top prospect was the unpalatable Trent Dilfer and no other QB had better than a 4th round grade so Heath Shuler who had a big senior year after a mediocre junior campaign became the Mel Kiper keeper and, well, the rest is a blur of mediocrity and the rise of Gus Frerotte...'nuff said.
QB R.J. Archer (MIN/Current)- From Kansas Weselyan who I believe go by the nickname The Disease-riddled Prarie Dogs.
RB LaBrandon Toefield (JAX/'03-07)- Put in 5 solid seasons backing up Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew while throwing 2 passes to the un-Heath Shuler-like tune of a 95.8 QB Rate.
RB Jim Kiick (MIA/'68-77)- Part of the "Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid" backfield with Larry Csonka. Famous for being caught one minute late for curfew in training camp only to turn around and head back to the bars telling Don Shula, "if I'm gonna get fined I'm gettin' my money's worth!" Jumped to rival World Football League for an anticipated big payday in 1975 only to see the league fold twelve weeks into the season. But hey those two "i"s make it a fun name to look at. Who remembers Larry Biittner?...Cincinnati Reds?...anybody?...I didn't think so.
RB Paddy Driscoll (HOF)- Hall of Famer who played for both Chicago teams (Bears and Cardinals) in the 1920's and was named All-Pro 7 times by Collyers Magazine issues of which I believe are still on the coffee table at my Grandmother's house (I enjoy the serialized Fitzgerald).
WR Devin Aromashodu (CHI/Current)- This is my favorite. Led the Bears in targets, receptions and yards Week 1. Benched Week 2. Such was my Fantasy season.
WR Flipper Anderson (RAMS/'88-97)- Three 900 yard seasons, twice led the league in yards per catch, real name Willie Lee...I hate friggin' "Fun Facts".
WR Pinky Lester (PROV/'26)- Played one season for the Providence Steamrollers as 160 pound Tackle. No relation to Fonzie's Demolition Derby partner.
TE Ben Hartsock (NYJ/Current)- How could Rexy not acquire this guy from Atlanta as soon as he got the job in 2009.
C Chris Foote (NYG/'80-90)- 10 years, 104 games, 8 starts, 2 seasons of Scott Brunner's hands up your crack, priceless.
G Socko Wiethe (DET/'39-42)- Later formed a tag team with Mick Foley/Mankind in the WWE.
G Jamie Nails (BUF '97-03)- Entered the league at 20, weighing 335 pounds. Ate his way out at 26, weighing 360...the Nell Carter of the NFL.
T Jordan Gross (CAR/Current)- Two-time Pro Bowler. Credited with 4 tackles in 9 games in 2009 which should tell you what kinda season Jake Delhomme had.
T Joe Reitz (IND/Current)- Alright, I couldn't find another Tackle, but I came across this guy who reminded me of my favorite banner ever at a sporting event. In the late 70s the baseball Cardinals had a 3B named Ken Reitz who was greeted during his first trip to the plate at Wrigley Field with a 40 foot sheet beyond the LF wall simply emblazoned "REITZ EATS". Funny cause it's true.
DEFENSE UP TOMORROW AND WILL INCLUDE RECENT NFLer MARRIED TO A PLAYBOY MODEL...PICTURES? ALL THAT GOOGLE BLOGGER WILL ALLOW!
