Notes From No Fixed Address (MLB Mid-June Report)

--Due to a power outage two weeks ago at our school we must go an extra half day tomorrow with attendance expected at around 25% which in turn repeatedly prompted this conversation today:

STUDENT: Guess what?
ME: You have an end of the year gift for me?
STUDENT: No, but I'm not coming to school tomorrow.
ME: That's the greatest gift of all...

Now that school's out I can spend more time on my own non-censored home computer...a scenario in which I believe everybody wins...

--In other work related news I was on my way to an interview Thursday when I realized I could not be bitter and/or sarcastic which, quite frankly, is tying my hands right there. Or as an ex-girlfriend once noted, "if it wasn't for bitterness and sarcasm you'd have no personality at all." All things considered...probably didn't get it.

--Now I see it. That's the actress who played Sue Ellen Mischke, the Bra-Less Heir to the O. Henry Candybar fortune, on Seinfeld in the ad for the new Dallas on TNT. So thank you IMDB for saving me from having to watch that steaming pile of garbage.

In 1995 we loved actress Betty Strong and her free-wheeling, Devil may care attitude...17 years later hopefully she's thrown a blouse on...

--On June 1 Mets manager Terry Collins was on the horns of a dilemma after Johan Santana had successfully completed 7 hitless innings vs. the St. Louis Cardinals. On the one hand  Mets history regarding this possibility was akin to how Hawkeye Pierce liked his martinis, "dry, drier, driest...a veritable Dustbowl of no-hitters", but at the same time if the surgically repaired shoulder of Santana was going to complete the feat it would require him to throw enough pitches to make Iron Man Joe McGinnity wince (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_McGinnity). In the end Collins left Santana in, he threw 134 pitches, but got the first no-no in franchise history...So was it all worth it?

    I'll say mostly yes and a little no. Yes because loyal Mets fans deserved it. Now I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea of this Mets club as a playoff contender, but in the parity of the NL it's not out of the question. Still it's nice to have some seasonal highlights to hang your hat on if the whole thing does tank lest you wind up with a season-ending video like that of 1979 Mets (63-99) titled "Turning It Over" and featuring shots of every single one of Frank Taveras' and Doug Flynn's league leading double plays (defensive, not offensive). Additionally Santana is not a youngster. He can determine his own breaking point and if he decides he wants to push it, well Hell, he's likely not coming back anyway when he contract expires so the risk is his own.

    On the other hand are no-hitters really that big a deal anymore? Kevin Milwood and a cast of several that included such luminaries as Stephen Pryor, Lucas Luetge and the naughtily named Charlie Furbush twirled one on 6/8. Not to mention Phil Humber's back in April. A feat that has produced worse followups than M. Night Shamaylan with Humber going 2-4 with a 6+ ERA since. Additionally 2011 saw hitless hurling from Ervin Santana and Francisco Liriano, 2010 from Ubaldo Jimenez and Dallas Braden, all moundsmen whose careers have turned considerably downward since those efforts. Toss in the fact that the Metropolitans really took one step forward/two steps back as the high pitch count forced Collins to push Johan's next start back in favor of Jeremy Hefner who got his ascot knocked off in a 5-3 loss to the Nats. And even when he did return he admitted to fatigue being the cause for a 5 IP, 6 ER, 4 HR performance against the Yankees.

    So in short, no-hitters...I could take 'em or leave 'em, but as a Mets fan I'm happy for Johan Santana's cherry-popper....You always remember your first.

Did we mention Scott Podsednik was signed as a free agent by the Red Sox...well now we did...so this picture of his wife is no longer gratuitous...

--Working at a school I get to see every even moderately special event turned into a Papparazzi fest that would make you think Kim Kardashian was going down on the ghost of Michael Jackson every other day in our Multi-Purpose Room. Or as comedian Jim Gaffigan once put it, "parents today have more photos of their kids than times my father even looked at me."

    In other words it's easy these days to make too much out of a small thing, but I do think there is something to be made of Tigers recent 8-4 run coinciding with the return of CF Austin Jackson. Now I'm no huge fan of Jackson who rode an inflated BABIP to an All-Star season in 2010 only to regress by 20-50 points in every triple slash category in 2011, but he is a table-setter scoring 193 runs while stealing 49 bases in those years.

    The real benefit of Jackson's return is that it has allowed the benching/scuttling of several Jim Leyland pets. I've always maintained that when you can no longer distinguish the feces from the food you're but a housecoat and pair of ratty slippers away from a spot on Animal Hoarders and by throwing personal favorites like Brandon Inge, Andy Dirks, Clete Thomas, Don Kelly, Ramon Santiago and Ryan Raburn into the outfield mix over the first two months Jimmy L. began to resemble nothing so much as the Crazy Cat Lady from The Simpsons as the Tigers floundered several games below .500.

    But surprinsingly the Jackson injury allowed irony to show its face in the Detroiters favor...no, not the Alanis Morrisette fly in your soup ironic which isn't ironic, but simply unfortunate, more like the first person to clone a sheep being a Scotsman kinda ironic http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolly_(sheep  ...in that it produced the callup of Quintin Berry (.305 BA, .389 OPS), a player so far down the minor league pecking order that even hardcore MLB Annuals didn't have him on their radars.

    Now Inge has been released, Dirks DLed, Thomas traded, Kelly benched and Santaigo/Raburn confined to a 2B platoon that improves the Tigers by halving the number of positions they can drag into the Replacement Level abyss. Of course since I started this rambling dissertation Detroit dropped two of three on the road to Pittsburgh. Still Berry/Jackson have become the top of the order guys needed in front of Fielder and Cabrera while their speed and glovework drastically improves the outfield D and consequently the staff particularly pitch-to-contact guys like Rick Porcello and Doug Fister, as well as, flyball throwers Max Scherzer and Justin Verlander.

    Additionally the Motor Citizens have played 45 games vs. +.500 teams vs. only 26 vs. sub-.500 squads, a stark contrast to the near 50/50 split faced by AL Central leaders Chicago and Cleveland. The bullpen is messy, but deep with Benoit, Coke and Dotel all able to take high leverage turns until Jose Valverde gets straightened out (figuratively, not literally), the starters might get a boost if 21 year-old phenom Jacob Turner can followup on his decent 2012 debut (5 IP, 1 ER vs. St.L.) and if a bat can be added at the deadline the White Sox and Indians may be sorry they didn't bury the Tigers when they had the chance.

--News reports indicate that fans at a Wrigley Field performance of "The Wall" by Roger Waters remained unmoved when a small remote control plane crashed into the side of the stage and caught fire apparently thinking it was part of the act. Then again after 104 years of pennant-less futility perhaps they were just "Comfortably Numb".

Finally, a chance for me to get some reading done...

--And finally in the ongoing aftermath of the Roger Clemens acquittal I'm sure you'll hear him blame his plight on everyone from Brian McNamee to George Mitchell to the owners to the media. The one person/group you won't here him excoriate though is the one most responsible for his ordeal, his fellow players.

    Clemens wants us to believe he's somehow different than McGwire, Sosa, Bonds, Palmiero and the litany of liars that have been exposed before him. And to disassociate himself from the Canseco's, Caminiti's and Jason Grimsley's who have already revealed the sordid underbelly of the sport during Clemens' prime(s). He wants to stand alone and be judged which seems quite convenient considering he was happy to stand silently together with these same folks when the late 80s Collusion Ruling sent salaries skyrocketing or the MLBPA refused to even discuss drug testing of any kind in their collective bargaining.

    That the studly ex-ballplayer and his Barbie Doll wife were able to sway a jury better than a confessed drug dealing, divorcee who falls somewhere between Ratso Rizzo and the guy who played Luther in 48 Hours on the Pauly Shore Scale of Weasliness is hardly a shock.

Hard to believe the same guy also played a character named Luther in The Warriors...what range!

 But while it may fool 12 people who, as they say, weren't smart enough to get outta Jury Duty I'm proud to say it's not enough to fool true baseball fans.

    Police have often faced the same skepticism of their integrity when the vaunted "Blue Wall of Silence" has been erected to coverup malefeasance and bad cops. The difference is we are willing to forgive these indiscretions since these people, particularly in inner cities, put their lives on the line everyday and for that we accord them some latitude. Clemens and company play a kid's game for 100 times the salary. Their "Wall of Silence" was built of greed and ego and that deserves no latitude at all. In the long run maybe time will make it seem meaningless, but in the short-term here's hoping folks save their sympathy and their HOF votes for the more deserving.

OK, now this one's gratuitous...

--Wow, heavy stuff...where did that come from? Not really sure, but we'll be back by the end of the week with more crap including our update on bat-finding Red Sox starter Aaron Cook and his consecutive K-less inning streak, some Fantasy Football stuff and what the Hell a Corn Dog! Yeah, at this point I don't know either...Comment below...and Good Night!!

Why I'm Not Speaking To Richard Dawson & More Tales From The Drunk Side

--First let's start out by paying our respects after a tough week in the music biz that saw the passing of Dick Clark, Levon Helm and Greg Ham, better known as the flautist for Men At Work...and that's the last time I expect to type the word "flautist" here until Ian Anderson passes which probably won't be for a long time as while he may be "too old to Rock-n-Roll, he's much too young to die."...And yes that's about the level of the humor here so you may wanna get out now.

The Band. RIP Richard Manuel, Levon Helm and Rick Danko.

--Meanwhile in Hollywood word is former Will & Grace star Debra Messing will be appearing topless in Allure Magazine...which reminds me my 12 year-old nephew is having a pool party next weekend. Actually it's not fair to call Messing flat-chested...she's really more concave. So even as a big fan of the topless genre, like a Debra Messing-shaped rock this pictorial is gonna be easy to skip.

Where "motorboats" go to die...Is there an antonym for cleavage?

--In other news from California Former Met/Phillie/Stock Guru Lenny Dykstra was sentenced to 9 months incarceration in a place where they have a very different definition of the term "backdoor slider" for taking liberties with various maids in his employ. Nails pleaded No Contest and threw himself at the mercy of the judge like he was George Costanza being fired from Pendant Publishing..."I gotta claim ignorance on this one. If I had known this type of thing was frowned upon..." For more on this ever-growing pile of human refuse see our article "The Dumbest Guy In The Room" @ http://bowltilithurts.blogspot.com/2011/05/dumbest-guy-in-room.html

Someone sent this via E-mail and that's why I love you mugs...you're the only ones that "get" me...

--And while we're talking about guys having bad weeks here's Detroit starter Rick Porcello's line from Saturday: 10 H, 9 R, 8 ER...in 1 IP! I haven't seen anyone devastated by runs that quickly this side of Taco Bell or a cholera epidemic. His ERA went from 1.86 to 6.34 with this one outing in what has to be the biggest slaughter while "taking the hill" since Pickett's Charge. Better, or any, luck next time, guy.

--Almost forgot to post this pic of Tampa Bay RF Luke Scott who appears to be channeling his inner-Wolverine this season Usually one doesn't see mutton chops like this outside a Renaissance Faire or since Russians were trying to get around Peter The Great's Beard Tax circa 1700. Don't know if it helps his hitting, but I do know he's got a lotta cleaning up to do if he wants to be "sponge-worthy"...as this guy can attest.

--A coupla weeks back we promised Mets, so here it is...

--There's an apocryphal story about a middle age guy complaining about having to get up at night to pee only to have an 80 year-old overhear and respond, "hey, at least you get up..." That's kinda the difference between being the Mets versus say the Royals or Pirates. You see the Royals and Pirates, despite the hype for the former and the remarkable 2011 first half of the latter, have no hope or at least very little by dint of their payroll. For them to win on a consistent basis they not only have to develop virtually all their top talent, but do so on a time coordinated basis so that arbitration and free-agent eligibility doesn't impact their ability to sign veteran parts to fill out their roster or result in some young talent leaving before other has the chance to develop. Sure the Rays are doing it now and Oakland had their "Moneyball" run, but these are the exceptions and as the A's present struggles indicate can be short-lived.

    The Mets, on the other hand, have money, even post-Madoff, and last year checked in with the 5th highest payroll in baseball at over $142M spent. As we mentioned in our NL East Preview they also have a fairly shrewd GM in Sandy Alderson now after a run of shaky management under Omar Minaya and everyone's favorite silver-haired chubby chaser Steve Phillips. Rather than try to plug the holes in this long sinking ship Alderson decided to let it capsize and build from scratch. To this end he jettisoned $59M in salary at the end of 2011 by either trading or not re-signing the Spanish Armada of Under-achievement known as Carlos Beltran, Ollie Perez, K-Rod, Hamstring Jose Reyes and Luis Castillo. At the end of 2013 another $41M goes away courtesy of Johan Santana and Jason Bay and thus the target date to contend again is 2014. But with whom is the question...

    So who might still be Amazin' if/when the tide turns in Flushing? Let's break this down on a mediocrity by mediocrity basis:

C  Josh Thole: The baseball version of Pink Slime. JT is roster filler with no pop, no glove and who never saw a Lefty he couldn't dribble out weakly to second off. Still catcher is a need position throughout the MLB and Thole could hang around as a backup due to his ability to exceed replacement level vs. RHP. Hell if guys like Paul Bako and Brian Schneider can carve out careers why not Thole. Verdict...Gone/Backup.

1B Ike Davis: Most projection systems out there had this 25 year-old pegged for a breakout year until he contracted an offseason case of Valley Fever which is, I believe, a blood disease that causes you to have the hots for Wayne Gretzky's wife. He missed time in the Spring and started off slow, but his bat has picked up of late. He'll be coming into his prime 27 year-old season in 2014 when the Mets hope to contend and his legit power for the position will allow them to allocate big bucks elsewhere...Keeper.

2B Daniel Murphy: Think Super Joe McEwing, but with a bat. Not exactly a Leatherneck at any position, but he can cover all 4 corners plus second and not completely undermine your plans. He could start for a bottom feeder or be a Uber-Utility type for a contender. Since he wouldn't bring much back in a trade the call is probably his...Backup/Gone.

SS Ruben Tejada: This guy has Padres written all over him...or Mariners. Anyplace where the park would suppress most shortstops power anyway thereby making his complete lack of same inconsequential. Doesn't field, run or draw walks to such a degree that you have to take notice. Mets fans should hope he gets hot for a stretch so they can ship him elsewhere for a usable relief piece...Gone.

3B David Wright: In recent years Wright's numbers have been up and down more than those guys in the Flomax commercial. He rebounded from a 10 HR 2009 with 29 dingers and .850+ OPS in 2010, but any hope for a career take-off fell by the wayside as he battled a long-term injury that limited him to 447 PAs in 2011. Off to a solid start this year the question is whether he's a cornerstone or trade chip? Oddly the better Wright plays the more likely he is to be gone. With an extra playoff team and some wide-open races any number of teams from the Dodgers to the Rockies to the Blue Jays to the Angels could come offering prospects and the better Wright's numbers the more MLB-ready those players will be. That means Wright would have to get through two July 31sts and offseasons to be part of the expected turnaround. As the Metskis only real blue-chip bait we don't see that happenin'...Gone.

Recent rumors of a David Wright/Erin Andrews (ESPN) sex tape proved to be a hoax. I was gonna put a pic of Erin Andrews here, but she's always wearing so many clothes. This girl is also named Erin Andrews and doesn't appear to have the same problem. Enjoy!

LF Jason Bay: No one's gone off a cliff like this since the closing scene of Thelma & Louise. If you don't think Park Factor matters check out this guy's numbers from his last year in Fenway compared to his first two at Citi Field. He went from a .921 OPS in 2009 to .703 last year and it hasn't even been that pretty as his fielding has gone in the tank as well. Oh and did we mention he's off to .240 BA start, on pace to strike out 170 times (500 ABs), is currently on the DL and turns 34 before the season's out...GONE!

CF Angel Torres/Kirk Nieuwenheis: This is a position where the Mets might really throw some money around in the coming offseasons. Torres is injured and already 34...Gone. This has allowed Nieuwenheis to goose step into Center, but his speed and defense indicate he's headed for a corner. His 2010 breakout at Double A was followed by similiar, albeit injury truncated, success at Triple A last year so getting him some major league exposure at 24 is a good thing. He's currently sporting a .928 OPS in a Lilliputian sample size, but at least he hasn't been overwhelmed...Keeper.

RF Lucas Duda: He's stiffer than Mitt Romney at Coachella in the field and if he raced Jessica Simpson right now he'd finish third, still the guy can flat-out hit. If this were the AL there'd be no problem. Fortunately he hits from the platoon heavy left side and shows terrific power numbers versus RHP so while he may not be a starter for an improved Mets team he could carve out a place as a solid 1B/LF/RF swing guy...Keeper.

SP Johan Santana: Currently Santana is unmoveable because of his contract and questions surrounding his health. Early results have been mixed as he pitched well in two 5 inning starts against the Chipper-less Braves and (so far) lumber challenged Nats. Then his last outing he couldn't make it out of the second as the Chipper-filled Braves "nocohoma-ed" him for 6 runs in one and one third. He's coming off major shoulder surgery and well on the unfriendly side of 30 and though he won the pitching Triple Crown (K, Wins, ERA) in 2006 the Mets can't wait to get him off their payroll...and maybe get Phil Humber back as well...Gone.

SP Mike Pelfrey: For a stone-cold sinkerballer this guy gets taken deep more often than Jodie Foster in The Accused. Problem is he never developed another quality offering meaning he gets few strikeouts and hitters are content to wait out his mistakes. He's still only 28 and that may explain why the Mets didn't move him after his 15 win 2010. Their reward was a 7-13, 4.74 ERA 2011. Like cat genitalia the upside here is hard to find...Gone.

SP Jonathan Niese: The current incarnation of the Amazin's features less stars than the night sky over Mexico City and Niese is almost certain to never escape from the smog. That, however, doesn't make him worthless. Joe Theismann once said of a 6th round pick on ESPN's Draft Day Special, "hey, you need bodies to fill out mini-camps and things" and while Niese is far more functional than that he's probably no more than a back-end starter/swingman on a true contender. That's still important, but not important enough that he couldn't be packaged in a blockbuster deal without batting an eye. We'll call him a...Keeper?

SP Dillon Gee: Whiz, he's...Gone.

SP R.A. Dickey: If the Mets do rise from the ashes to contention Dickey and his fluttering balls could be their version of Tim Wakefield circa 2004-07. For a knuckleballer he's remarably consistent, eating innings and keeping the ball in the park at a reasonable rate. Hey, worse things could happen...like Victor Zambrano or Mister Koo...Keeper.

Closer/Pen Almost All Gone Bullpens are constantly changing these days so Alderson will probably try to mix and match with homegrown talent like Jennry Mejia and Robert Carson interspersed with free agents and waiver claims...oh and Miguel Batista probably won't be around either.



Honestly I have no idea what's going on here, but God bless..

We're done. Next time we'll have a look at early under-achievers Boston and Anaheim, as well as, some stuff about Stephen Strasburg and maybe the Brian Wilson crap we didn't have space for this time around. Until then we'll be drinkin' to keep from cryin'...

Stealing Ed Kranepool's Soap

    So opening day saw Mike Pelfrey last four and a third, Reyes, Wright and Ike Davis go 0 for 11 and the Mets lineup bang out fewer hits than the post-"Turning Japanese" Vapors on their way to the first of what might be many lackluster losses.

    Tonight they'll turn to Jonathan Niese whose 9-10 record and 4.20 ERA in 2010 redefined bland for a generation that never saw Ron Hodges play. Oh yeah and the Yankees are already 2-0 so Mets fans should be able to safely curl up with the adjective "Long-Suffering" again in 2011 and perhaps well into the forseeable future.

    Meanwhile back at the Keystone Light can strewn hellhole I call a home I owe you the finale of my "Most Hated Mets" column...and one Hot Pocket belch later here it is:

6. George Foster ('82-'85)- After once being called upon to pinch-hit for an aging Willie Mays, Foster established himself in Cincinnati as a bonafide star in the late '70s. From 1976-81 he made 5 All Star teams, finished in the Top 6 in the MVP voting 4 times and after becoming the first player in 25 years to hit 50 HRs in 1977 caused me to throw out a shoulder in my haste to open the new package of Strat-o-Matic cards in the spring of '78. Unfortunately he was a past his prime slugger at 33 by the time he reached the Mets. Proof being his first year in the Big Apple when he slugged an anemic .367 which was surpassed by middle infielders Joel Youngblood, Wally Backman, Ron Gardenhire and even the virtually impotent Tom Veryzer (career SLG .294). Even more frustrating was his complete surrender in the face of right-handed breaking balls that left his chances against the likes of San Fran's Mike Krukow about as good as finding an Asian kid in Special Ed. Still considering he only cost the Mets Alex Trevino, a dimunitive catcher who actually reminded one of the sadly flailing Robert Deniro in Bang the Drum Slowly, it wasn't such a terrible run after all.

5. Steve Trachsel ('01-'06)- If Mike Hargrove was "The Human Rain Delay" this guy should've been dubbed "The Lost Weekend" (Ray Milland's finest role outside The Man with Two Heads, check it out). Fact is I've passed stones in the time he took between pitches and when he came to the Mets fresh off a combined 16-33 record the two years prior it made things in Flushing even more unwatchable than they already were. For better, or possibly worse from a fan's perspective, "Stevie Slow" turned out to be a quality innings eater for New York even churning out two 15+ win seasons during his stay. And more amazingly the Mets actually sold high dumping Trachsel in 2007 off a 15-8 campaign for RHP Rocky Cherry a name which now replaces 1960's folksinger Dusty Snatch atop the list of ill-advised female porn star names. His comps at Baseball Reference include Mike Morgan and Mike Moore who until seeing their individual statistical pages I was sure were the same guy throughout the late 80's/early 90's.

4. Dave Kingman ('75-'77, '81-'83)- The freest swinger this side of a 70's Key Party, "Kong" went deep more often than Wilt Chamberlain at The Bunny Ranch with the Mets even leading the league in HRs in 1982 with 37. Alas, he was the biggest one-trick pony since Clara Peller uttered "Where's the beef" either going yard or going nowhere in putting up sub-.300 OBPs throughout most of his tenure. After his 37 HR performance in '82 he slipped to a .183/.265/.383 line in '83 before being shipped off to Oakland where he infamously caused Susan B. Anthony to turn over in her grave (not to mention unleash a worthless coin upon us) when he protested women in the lockerrom by sending a female reporter a dead rat through the mail. And I'm the one who can't get a date?!?

3. Bobby Bonilla ('92-'95)- Most of the guys on this list were Good Guys in bad situations...Bobby Bo, not so much. Possesing all the charm of a Koran burning protest Bonilla fought with everyone in his path including the clubhouse attendant in Pittsburgh, reporters Art McFarland and Bob Klapisch in New York and even a scorekeeper who he called mid-game from a clubhouse phone to protest an error. It wasn't that he didn't produce for the Mets, posting a slugging percentage over .500 from '93 to '95, it that's people expected a much bigger bang for the buck. A buck that the Wilpon's will be paying off in $1.2 million increments every year until 2035...and they thought Bernie Madoff sucked them dry...

2. Kevin McReynolds ('87-'91, '94)- In his initial 5 year run at Shea K-Mac was good for approximately 25 HRs and 90 RBIs annually so it wasn't lack of production that earned him the scorn of Mets faithful. Instead it was the fact that McReynolds played the game with all the unbridled enthusiasm of a Steven Wright routine. Look up "zeal" in the dictionary and you'll see a picture of everyone else in the world but him. He brought to the game all the passion of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley's marital bed and all the energy of a Cowboy Junkies/Crash Test Dummies double bill...alright perhaps I've over-referenced, but to call him indifferent would make George W. Bush's response to Katrina victims look heroic (for Republicans feel free to substitute Bill Clinton and Rwanda here-we are an apolitical site). Ultimately McReynolds came to epitomize the Mets teams for which he toiled. A group good, but forever just short of great who seemed to care a lot less about missing out on the big prize than their diehard fans.

1. Doug Sisk ('82-'87)- Truly a tragic case. Search the web and you can't find a bad word about Sisk from anyone who's actually met him. He currently works as a sports director for the Boys & Girls Club of Pierce County, Washington and frankly, except for a blip in 1985, his numbers range from adequate to impressive. Still there's just something about this guy that draws the ire of every Met fan even 20 years removed from him last taking the hill. My theory is that he burned too bright too fast teasing Met backers in 1983-84 by pitching over 180 innings at the age of 25-26 and posting an impressive sub-2.20 ERA while saving 26 games. Ultimately, though, a chronic lack of control would leave the Flushing Faithful with bluer balls than a Smurf in the Polar Bear Club. Leadoff walks, bases loaded walks, walking the pitcher Dougie did it all. Even in his best years he walked nearly twice as many batters as he struck out. This wasn't a problem when hitters were swinging at his natual sinker around their shoe tops and banging into double plays, but when the book on Sisk became, "Don't Swing", he was forced to elevate his pitches and bad things followed. By 1990 Sisk had become the face of the Mets inability to capitalize on their 1986 World Title. The vitriol got so bad that he was shipped to Baltimore for a bag of balls and a cracked Louisville Slugger that went by the name of Greg Talmantez (out of organized ball by 1992). In the end Sisk walked away with $1.4 million in earnings, a World Series ring and probably the ability to curse anyone in Pierce County Washington under the table from experience if he so chooses.

I'm sure there are plenty of truly awful, nasty Mets we forgot so feel free to share your least favorites in the comments section. And as we see on our 13-inch black and white it's time to celebrate as the Mets pull one out in extras. Woo-freakin'-hoo!

See the previous post-"Bad Stuff 'Bout Da Mets"-for #s 7-11 of this list. Hate on!

As the late, great Harry Caray once (or six times) put it, "Andre Dawson at the plate, he's hitting .268 with...whoa look at the cans on that one!" RIP good sir.

Bad Stuff 'Bout Da Mets

    So the revelation about Barry Bonds' shrunken testicles has shocked many in the sports world. Though I, personally, don't see the big deal...I mean the smaller the potatoes the bigger the steak looks. Right?

    Still the attention the Bonds' trial has drawn points up an interesting fact about our views as fans. That is that no matter how much money and adulation we heap on our athletic heroes there's nothing we love to do so much as hate.

   And  this despite the fact that Bonds is not only retired, but has been erased from both the history of MLB and the S.F. Giants like the labor movement in Maine or the word "niggardly" from a 21st century textbook.

    But no team seems to acquire more players capable of bringing out the vitriol among their fan base than the New York Mets. In the last two decades the Mets have hung their hopes and raised their ticket prices on the abilities of a bigger collection of past their prime D-listers than the cast of Skating With The Stars. So what better way to celebrate Opening Day for a nearly certain to be under-achieving Met team than with a  "Baker's Top Ten" (that's a thing, right?...well screw it I'm making it a thing) of the most overpaid, under-performing, dysfunctional, distasteful and vile players to don the royal blue and orange...Stay angry my friends!

11. Roberto Alomar ('02-'03)- Unless it's between cast members on Flavor of Love spitting on someone is never a way to endear yourself to the viewing public. Still, in his prime, Robbie was talented enough to engage in just such an incident with umpire John Hirschbeck yet still win over the hearts of fans in both Baltimore and Cleveland. Alas, by the time he reached the Metsy's much of the Gold Glove-ty goodness and base hitting beneficence had worn off the rose. From '01 to '02 he lost 70 points of BA, 80 points of OBP and 160 points of SLG as he entered the gloaming of his HOF career. On a personal note he was once engaged to the well-endowed tennis star Mary Pierce the subject of perhaps the funniest line ever uttered on Sportscenter. Commenting on a highlight showing Pierce from a rack-enhancing side view Kenny Mayne said, "we pick up the action with Mary Pierce down a set though from this angle it would be hard to tell." Pierce and another woman would later sue Alomar for allegedly  infecting them with AIDS so maybe John Hirschbeck got off easy all things considered.

10. Scott Schoenweis ('07-'08)- The two things I remember most about the addition of superstation TBS and Atlanta Braves games to our cable package in the '80s is the unabashed homer-ism of the announcers and the fact that Paul Assenmacher seemed to be perpetually warming up in the bullpen. Schoenweis was the Mets answer to Assenmacher forever getting loose for that lefthanded pinch-hitter that was always on the horizon. See lefty relievers are to MLB what Nicolas Cage is to movies. In other words throw a couple Moonstrucks early in your career and you'll keep getting chances even if all the rest is a cacophony of Wicker Mans and bases loaded walks. For $3.6 mil New York got a first year return of a 5.03 ERA and 1.53 WHIP before letting him walk after a second mediocre campaign. Not to worry even at 37 he's still plugging away tossing 24 innings for Arizona in '09 and 13 for Boston last year.

9. Ellis Valentine ('81-'82)- This is kinda unfair. According to Wikipedia Valentine is a very charitable guy not to mention the fact he was on his way to becoming his generation's Vladimir Guerrero until a Roy Thomas fastball shattered his cheekbone in 1980. Of course that's just when the Mutts swooped in taking Ellis and his .207 average off the Expos hands midway through 1981 at the nominal cost of killer closer Jeff Reardon. He showed up wearing a specially designed protective batting helmet that was somewhere between that 1970s periodontal headgear and the Hannibal Lecter mask. Between that and Pete Falcone being the team Ace suffice it to say it was not a glory era for Mets fans. On the bright side though Valentine did sport one of the biggest arms this side of Big Poppa Pump in RF and once appeared with Steve Garvey on an episode of Fantasy Island where they train Gary Burghoff for the Majors...seriously. No word on whether Ellis mimicked Herve Villechaize as LaGuardia departing aircraft flew over Shea, but it's fun to imagine.

8. Randy Jones ('81-'82)- Had the art of sabermetrics been more in the mainstream it could've saved the Mets from this debacle in the early '80s. We now know that pitchers have very little control over BABIP (Batting Average on Balls In Play) thus putting the ability to get strikeouts and avoid walks at a premium. So when Jones won the Cy Young in 1976 with a paltry 2.7 K/9 it was quite obvious he was benefiting from a luckily depressed BABIP. In fact his regression back to the mean was so fierce that he would never post a winning record again in 6 more seasons  including 1-8 and 7-10 records in New York. The 315 innings and 24 complete games in '76 also sapped his arm strength so by the end he ranked up there with a post-shoulder surgery Dave LaPoint and current Jamie Moyer on the list of non-knuckleball Major Leaguers I'd give myself a chance at making contact off. His comp at Baseball Reference is Eppa Rixey who I believe was a second Lieutenant at the Battle of Bull Run in addition to hurling for the old Washington Senators.

7. Mo Vaughn ('02-'03)- The "Flounder" of MLB, only he managed to make fat, drunk and stupid payoff to the tune of $17.1 million a year with NY in 2002. Then proceeded to record the lowest OPS since his rookie year before getting injured 96 plate appearances into 2003 and never playing again. Career really began to jump the proverbial shark after falling down the dugout steps chasing a foul ball for Anaheim in 1999. The subsequent layoff caused him to gain weight at a frightening pace. Yet he turned up in the Mitchell Report as a suspected user of HGH though it's unclear if that meant Human "Girth" Hormones or not. Also famous for dangling an elbow more padded than Stan "The Lariat" Hansen's over the plate which ultimately led to a restriction on batter body armor a few years back.

We're gonna take a blow and come back with #'s 1-6 tomorrow until then here's a little somethin'-somethin' to tide you over till...good God...Mike Pelfrey tosses the opener tomorrow.

To tired for a wisecrack here, but based on the pose I'm going to assume it would've involved the terminology "Backdoor Slider"...you can take it from there.

Mo Vaughn crowding his favorite type of plate at Carnegie Deli.

At least Lady Gaga thought the 2010 Mets were #1.