On Indians...And Not The Kind From India...Or Cleveland

Whenever I read a book about Native Americans (Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, Empire of the Summer Moon) my first thought is “it’s gonna be hard to get happy after this one”…then I dose myself with some Fire Water and things get back to normal.

Now I’m no Indian scholar- in fact until a coupla years ago I thought Atlanta Braves mascot Chief Nocahoma was reference to some Pre-Columbian Chief and not a bad pun/play on words- but the problem is the story is always the same. A relatively peaceful, hardworking people are done in by money, technology and government lies…you know, like today’s middle class.

The twist in In the Spirit of Crazy Horse by Peter Matthiessen is that it covers the modern era in Indian Wars as led by the late 60’s/early 70’s American Indian Movement (AIM) with a small assist from a fat Marlon Brando.

The kinda Native American that could get me to build a little “teepee”…

The narrative revolves around the killing of two FBI agents in 1974 at a shootout on the Pine Ridge Reservation, S.D. and the subsequent trial of three members of AIM deemed responsible. That means in excess of 600 pages of conflicting accusations, bureaucratic inefficiencies, FBI snooping, witness tampering and perjured testimony that never really definitively gets to the truth because, after all, that’s not what our adversarial justice system is about.

Additionally there are several long sections pertaining to controversial prosecution witness Myrtle Poor Bear. Described as a roly-poly, dim, semi-literate with a taste for honey (though I could be wrong on this last one) I consistently read her name as Myrtle POOH Bear thereafter taking some of the gravitas out of the narrative. Plus in a more ironic turn I couldn’t help but wonder if the wives of members of the White American Movement (WHAM) asked their husbands to “wake them up before you go-go” on their nightly reservation Indian bashing raids.

If you’re into Native American history this is an interesting read. Much like tomes such as The Warmth of Other Suns detail the forgotten hard times of post-Civil War, pre-Civil Rights blacks, In the Spirit of Crazy Horse reminds us things weren’t all rosy for American Indians once they laid down their weapons and took up government-assisted living. Then again if you wanna cut to the chase and see how the whole sordid affair turned out you can just visit your local casino…

Chief Double Down welcomes you…

Like all John O’Hara novels Butterfield 8 features a flawed protagonist that drinks too much and dies in the end…and even though that hits a bit too close to home I like it.

The thing I like best about O’Hara, though, is his ability to conjure up a 1930’s America so vividly that you feel like you’re there. Yet at the same time leave in all the self-doubt and insecurities that people seem to forget when they reminisce about these supposed good ol’ days.

All in all a sad, but well-written tale which really is all one can ask for in or of life. As I tell the former student who always asks, “How’s that Dream Catcher I made for you in art class?”…it’s still empty. Maybe I’ll try O’Hara’s Rage to Live next. The NY Times Book Review says it’s filled with nymphomania, alcoholism, incest and more…That can’t end well and I like it already.

Elizabeth Taylor as she appeared in the film version…and but half the woman she later became…

More Stupid Book Reviews either below or to the right at the links “A Blunder Down Under” and “A Pair To Open”…

A Blunder Down Under...

BOOKS: This week we feature the definitive one volume history on the founding of Australia, The Fatal Shore by Richard Hughes. When read while sitting on a rickety futon in threadbare sweatpants while drinking a can of Milwaukee’s Best and eating off-brand Dollar Store chips packaged in Haiti this is the kinda book that makes you feel better about your life. Though I must admit after reading page after page of nakedness, rape, sodomy, flogging and penetration of virgin bush I’m beginning to think the British misinterpreted the phrase Penal Colony.

…not the virgin bush the first 300 convicts dropped at Botany Bay encountered…fortunately for these girls…

This book also features Sir John Franklin better known as an ill-fated Arctic explorer and the title character in the book The Man Who Ate His Boots by Anthony Brandt. While the previous title ended in the successful colonization and of course ultimate independence of Australia the latter has the added bonus for misanthropic cynics like me of detailing lives lost, money squandered and cannibalism resorted to all in the pursuit of a useless goal- The Northwest Passage. Even in our current age of global warming the Northwest Passage to the Pacific over Canada, while passable, is still economically worthless. So as I turn up the heat and crack another cold one it reminds me to always heed the words of that Bard of the Bowery Charles Bukowski…

…drunker words were never spoken…

Our first post in the new format is to the right featuring the latest from Hampton Sides and Cardboard Gods by Josh Wilker along with a picture of Sharon Stone for some reason I can't recall right now.

Be back with a story of Native Americans and, what the hell, John O'Hara to boot!

A Pair To Open...

The first two books in this series of random, indiscriminate titles is Hellhound on his Trail by Hampton Sides and Cardboard Gods by Josh Wilker...

Hellhound on his Trail- I always assumed Martin Luther King’s assassin was captured within hours while on the run. Or at worst after days found holed up in the basement of some 1969 version of Cooter from The Dukes of Hazzard. Turns out it took a two month manhunt spanning 2 continents, 4 countries and included multiple aliases, the Rhodesian Civil War plus the work of the FBI, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and Scotland Yard to bring in the lone gunman. From Hampton Sides, the NYT best-selling author of Ghost Soldiers, this is an entertaining, fast-paced narrative that if nothing else reminds one that if you ever become famous try to steer clear of guys with 3 names: James Earl Ray, John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, Sirhan Sirhan Sirhan (though I could be off give or take a Sirhan on this last one)…Cardboard Gods- Josh Wilker’s memoir of an offbeat childhood told with the visual aid of baseball cards from the 70s and early 80s. Interesting bedtime material that kinda peters out late, but then again so am I. Including the Detroit Tiger below who appeared as a JEOPARDY answer to the question…

What did we all wanna do after seeing the movie Basic Instinct? (Note: This is a rather belligerent pose for a guy who hit .218 with a .638 OPS over 562 career Plate Appearances)…

Uh…these days, not so much…

The Politics Of Drinking

I'm not really sure what this is, but haven't written here in awhile so why not? It's the strange story of a shameful man that may or may not be me. Either way I'm serializing it like I'm F. Scott Fitzgerald in Collier's Magazine so check back every now and then...

ONE

It was dark out. That’s as close I could come to telling the time when the bus arrived in Reno. It had been 5 days non-stop from New Jersey. I washed my hands a face in depot bathrooms. I changed my shirt twice, but my jeans, socks and underwear were all the same.  Considering the other passengers smelling bad was an advantage.  A guy got in in Ames, Iowa with a swastika tattooed on his neck. He sat down, introduced himself and since my name was once confused for being Jewish I told him I was “Liam O’Brien”, excused myself for the bathroom and sat in the last seat at the back. By Colorado no one would come near me.

My legs had apparently atrophied after 5 days. I took a seat in the station and stretched them out. A guy who looked like Biggie Smalls tried to sell me a watch probably because I was the only white guy around. He looked me up and down, caught a whiff and gave up the ghost before I could respond.

I had a borrowed carry-on bag with a couple days of clothes and toiletries on the plastic seat next to me. The rest of my clothes had been in a 30 gallon Hefty bag. Outside of Toledo a driver thought it was garbage and tossed it in a dumpster.

Nonetheless I’d beaten the doubters and made it to Reno. How I was gonna make it in Reno I had no friggin’ idea.

Notes Just A Stone's Throw From Dementia

To quote The Most Annoying Man in the World: "I don't always have thoughts, but when I do they are random." So here's mine as regards Hurricane Sandy...

--Candles Suck! And though I've never seen Sandalwood in nature I now what it smells like forever...not to mention Clean Linen, Cucumber & Melon, Summer's Eve (which did actually smell like a douche), Autumn Woods and my personal favorite My Day's End...because I never knew shame had a scent.

--Fires are not much better, I mean, unless you have this set up...
...And by the way when did they Fireplace kit stop including a bellows...or was that just invented by the Three Stooges to torture each other with?

--Power was out for 5 days and next to David (Son of Sam) Berkowitz I'm probably the last guy you want alone in a dark room for long stretches with only his thoughts...and yes the neighbor's dog did start talking to me, but fortunately he only said, "Kill Cats!"...though more than a few lines of Bruce Cockburn's "If I had A Rocket Launcher" were sung in a knees to chest, rockin', monotone (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7vCww3j2-w)

--If I go more than two days without a shower there's no way to comb my hair that I don't look like William Henry Harrison.

Seriously people if you learn nothing else here...if it's storming out, for God's sake, wear a jacket...(http://blonderandthinner.blogspot.com/2010/05/william-henry-harrison-he-didnt-die-of.html)...oh yeah and stay off the drugs too...

--I finally know what my Grandma meant when she used to say so-and-so got Prostrate Cancer. You can really injure yourself from lying flat for too long.

--Thank goodness Books on Tape...no wonder Duran Duran wrote a song about them..."Books on Tape, two minutes later, Books on Tape..."...what?...girls on film?...alright maybe I'm mistaken...(http://vimeo.com/18521738)

--And finally I'm no longer so impressed with people hundred's of years ago working "Sun up till sundown." Without electricity what the f*ck else could you do...

--But mostly thanks to all the public servants getting everything back to normal!



Football what a good idea!

Just Another Kick To The Oblongs (NFL-Week 7)

--Busy week, lots of drinking to catch up on so let's get thru this. First we are still Roto Experts, regardless of what CBS Sportsline's League Standings say. Our most recent article gives out around 10 Deep Sleepers for Week 7 or as we like to call it a Narcoleptic 9-Pack to get you thru Bye Weeks and injuries. Here's the link http://rotoexperts.com/26318/fantasy-owners-are-jonesing-for-felix-in-dallas/

--To subscribe to this page or follow us on Twitter go back to the Home Page and links are on the right. To those who asked we're not on InstaGram which is a term I last heard used in college for a pot dealer who would deliver to your dorm room. I'm assuming that meaning has changed. However, you can find us on FaceBook with a picture of Shirley Booth from Hazel for some reason at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Bowling-Til-It-Hurts/144323018970626 As far as other social media is concerned...you can Pinterest my ass...now moving on...

--Happy Birthday to rapper/horticulturist Snoop Dogg who with each passing year, along with Willie Nelson, is the greatest living evidence for the Legalization of Marijuana folks. He's still looking spry, brain cells be damned, though at 42 he admitted it's time to drop by his General Practitioner to get a "Prostizzle exam and my Cholestorizzle checked out." Enjoy!

--They say "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"...except for Chlymidia and now apparently spousal abuse. Word is 32 year old former Chief RB Larry Johnson (I know, he ran like he was 60) is being brought back to Nevada on charges of slapping around his wife in the corridor of a Strip hotel. Though in his defense we think this may be a case of mistaken identity in that
Grandmama did it...what's that...wrong Larry Johnson?

--CHEERLEADER NEWS: I always have problems with labels. To me Dr. Jekyll  sounds like the bad one, until recently I had assumed The Great Gatsby was about a magician and I happily acquiesced to a girlfriend's suggestion of renting the movie Beaches figuring I can handle 90 minutes of High School humor and bimbos bouncing around in bikinis-an hour and half of Bette Midler/Barbara Hershey later the sight of sand still causes me to weep instantly.

More in line with what I was expecting...

So when I heard Cincinnati Bengals Cheerleader/High School teacher Sarah Jones was sleeping with her students I immediately thought..."Dream Maker", but apparently the label used by the State of Kentucky is "Predator".

For once, however, prosecutors didn't claim it was the students who turned in Ms. Jones. Something that I always found strange since as an former awkward, acne-faced adolescent I can assure you any sex in High School that didn't end with me limping out of Jerry Sandusky's shower woulda been fine by me.

What really bothers me though is the sense of entitlement American kids have today. Sarah Jones' lover got to have sex with an NFL Cheerleader and straight A's in her classes. Meanwhile in the Phillipines a Law School student had to sleep with this guy  to get a passing grade (http://sg.news.yahoo.com/nus-law-professor-under-sex-for-grades-probe-described-as-%E2%80%98charismatic%E2%80%99--%E2%80%98eccentric%E2%80%99.html). And they wonder why the Pacific Rim has blown past us in education. Kids today need to be reminded...you gotta EARN it!

If I got in trouble for banging this in High School I would've invoked the old Food That Dropped On The Floor Rule...anything less than 5 seconds doesn't count...

NFL
--Prior to and after Monday Nights' San Diego Charger debacle ESPN QB analysts like Trent Dilfer, Tim Hasselbeck and Ron Jaworski gave Phillip Rivers play more analysis than you find in the Penguin Books edition of Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis. Back foot, front foot, release point, shoulder dip, hip rotation, everything except what is really the matter with the Chargers offense...diminishing talent. From 2008 to 2011 Rivers was a Top 10 Fantasy QB throwing to the likes of Vincent Jackson, Antonio Gates and Darren Sproles. Now he's QB17 despite not having seen his Bye yet and playing against what Pro Football Reference ranks the easiest sked in the NFL.

You just don't rip the heart and soul out of a group and expect it to carry on like normal. Just ask Van Halen. Darren Sproles had 59 receptions in 2010, but was left to free agency and proved his worth by catching 86 balls in New Orleans last year. Vincent Jackson's production in Tampa this year proves he's a field stretcher of the highest caliber. He's raised the play of 2011 lost cause Josh Freeman so we can only speculate he's had a similiarly negative influence on the QB he left. And finally watching Antonio Gates these days in just painful. With his bloated body and chronic foot problems he looks like those old videos of Babe Ruth rounding the bases everytime he runs a circle route. He can still produce, but much of it seems forced due to lack of other options.

As for Rivers current catching crew beyond Gates Malcolm Floyd is 32 and while he has the speed of Tim Raines he shows up like Claude Rains while Robert Meachem is the NFL's version of Matt LeBlanc, great in an ensemble cast (Friends/Saints) terrible in a lead role (Joey/Chargers). Looks like it's not just time (or past time) for Norv Turner to go in San Diego, but also GM A.J. Smith because sometimes it's not the bow, it's the Indian.



--If you watched the Giants-49ers Week 6 you were witness to a coach calling perhaps the worst Challenge since the one Alexander Hamilton issued to Aaron Burr. It was a down by contact call that was so clear the referee spent about as much time "under the hood" as Malcolm X. The announcers blamed the booth for giving Harbaugh bad advice, but replays showed him throwing the Challenge flag before the ball was even marked by the officials. Harbaugh is now 5-14 on Challenges in his stint in San Fran, but the bigger takeaway may be his impetuous attitude. The NFL today may not have parity throughout, but at the upper reaches there seems to be a plateau where several teams are interchangeable depending on the week. Any small advantage is key and timeouts are not like plastic shopping bags. You can't just reach into that space between the counter and refrigerator for a never-ending supply. Alex Smith's woes are already limiting enough for the Niners without giving away other advantages. San Fran is still the favorite out West, but big games at New England and Seattle late in the year could prove crucial. Harbaugh needs to keep his cool both on and off the field if this solid, but still flawed group is going to improve on last year's effort.

Oh crap, Harbaugh's reachin' for the Challenge flag...

--Word out of Green Bay is that injured RB Cedric Benson was asked by police to stay away from the team's facility while they investigated a recent death threat he received. The authorities think the threat comes from an irate Fantasy owner of Benson who went down two weeks ago with a Lisfranc (pronounced liz-frank) injury to his foot. Benson is recuperating at home until police clear his return, but has been updating fans thru an online diary. An excerpt of which we print here:

...though I am forced to hide behind these walls I need not live in fear. I still believe Fantasy Football players are basically good and I think of the season still left and am happy. For inside the darkness lies a piece of hope. I will be back Week 14 for your playoffs. So I rejoice, but with some sadness. Ah, but who would think so much would rest on the foot of such a young man...

We'll be back next week with more from The Diary of my Lisfranc Injury by Cedric Benson.

And thank you to the many pictures I've posted of Denise Milani for helping me improve my ability to type with my left hand...

--Last week our selections tanked. I listed my play on Miami at -3 which would have been a push, but realized later I was looking at the opening line and that it closed at -4.5 or -5 so we'll accept the loss. Overall we're 2-3 with Fred at 1-2 and myself at 1-1.

This week Fred is on Tennessee +3.5. As for me if there's one thing I learned about cartoons and Gilligan's Island is that they overestimated the occurrence in real life of quicksand and mirages. Last week, however, I did see a mirage in the Jets win over Indianapolis. We can't keep track of our articles anymore, but in one we noted Andrew Luck would be in only the second road game (also read outdoors) of his NFL career. In his first the Colts were routed by the Bears and last week was more of the same as not only was Luck bad, but a banged-up defense allowed Shonn Greene, who runs with all the alacrity of Chairman Mao on The Long March, to go for an unconscionable 161 yards and 3 scores. That's not happening this week against zoftig Vince Wilfork and the Pats meaning the game's back in Mark Sanchez's hands where it should never be. Last year after dropping games to the Steelers and Giants Belichick's Boys pounded the Jets in Foxboro 37-16. More of the same this year so we'll go Pats -10.5.

--Finally last week's plays against the worst Strength of Schedule teams went 2-1 so this week how 'bout listing the teams to play the Toghest Skeds according to Pro Football Reference: Dallas, Carolina, Green Bay and St. Louis. Unfortunatley these teams square off against each other, but we will say Dallas is far and away the leader in this Department so they might be worth a roll in Carolina today.

Like Warwick...we're Dunn...except for this...
We agree...Yeah, implants!

A Slice From Fred Exley's Liver (MLB Notes-End Of June)

OUR NEW WEBSITE IS http://www.bowltilithurts.com/ TAKE A LOOK...DON'T COST NUTHIN'  

 Due to increased page traffic over the last several weeks we have been picked up by the FanVsFan Network. In terms of full disclosure we should admit that the spike in page views was not driven by our snarky sarcasm, witty repartee or slightly obtuse take on the human condition, but rather German men clicking in to see a pic we posted of mammothly mammaried, Hamburg hottie Jordan Carver who is currently the biggest thing to come out of the Reich since Falco blitzkrieged MTV with his paean to pastry "Rock I'm A Danish"...wait, that was the title, right...anyway here's some quick observations on Sports and sundry other forms of entertainment so enjoy!

Duetschland Dazzler and Dewey Decimal Devotee (who knew?) Jordan Carver...

College Football: First up Sexy Sideline Strumpet and Tom-Peepee Erin Andrews has apparently not renewed her lease at ESPN for the 2012 CFB season. So let's all visit her this year at her new residence at FOX Sports-I'll bring the drill...In other CFB news the powers that be in that cesspool of greed have announced the BCS Championship Game will be replaced by a 4 team playoff system. So as 4 more teams (UMass, So. Alabama, UT-San Antonio & UT-San Marcos) push the total FBS (1-A) schools near the 130 mark thereby creating even more wildly disparate strength of skeds let the batlle over #4 vs, #5 (6,7,8...) begin!

Erin Andrews...what you thought those sixteen second sound bites with Nick Saban on the way to halftime landed her a 7-figure deal at FOX?

Pseudo-Sport: On July 4th Joey Chestnut won his unprecedented 6th straight Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Championship which made me wonder-is marijuana considered a Performance Enhancing Drug (PED) on the Professional Eating Circuit?...Nearly shit myself when I heard short term sensation Jeremy Lin of the Knicks had been offered $29M to sign with the Rockets. Is that a case of Lin-Continence?... And if you're craving football the CFL regular season kicked off this past weekend to give you that 110 yard gridiron fix you've been needing. Though it's hard to take seriously a professional league that for most of its existence had two teams named the Roughriders (Saskatchewan and Ottawa). Assuming one franchise came first who owned the other one, Raymond Babbitt-"Yeah definitely has to be Roughriders, gotta name the team Roughriders, definitely Roughriders". Me, I just like to watch until the first Rouge is scored http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Single_(football), but that's just me...

Maria Edible: a model who also competes on the Professional Eating Circuit where she is routinely photographed shoveling hot dogs into her mouth...or as I call her, Marketing Genius!

Pop Culture: Went to see Magic Mike last night. I actually thought it was a biopic of the Jew-Fro, harmonica guy from the J. Geils Band who did the bass voice on "Love Stinks". Turns out that was Magic Dick. Still it wasn't so bad since I used to be a Chippendale Dancer myself. I mean now I'm more of a Chip-A-Hoy Dancer, but things get away from us over time...RIP to Don Grandy who played Robbie on the classic sitcom My Three Sons. Distraught over lack of job offers police say he committed suicide by throwing a noose over his neck, tapping his foot 72 times on the chair and falling to his demise...Congrats to lard loving Celebrity Chef Paula Deen for dropping 30 pounds and lowering her cholesterol to 320. Considering Crisco has a reading of 310 it appears she might still have a ways to go...and finally enough already with Rocker Bob Seger ranting on Twitter about memorabilia stolen during a party thrown by his youngest daughter (he has two, ages 14 and 36). I'm sure you Feel Like A Number, guy, but it's time to just Turn The Page.

J. Geils Band harmonica-ist Magic Dick during his Freeze Frame/Centerfold prime...and just a heads up from experience, Google Image his name at your own risk.

MLB: Boston starter Aaron Cook's strikeout-less streak was snapped last week by Seattle's Chone Figgins at 12.2 innings dating back to last season. More addicted to wood than the heroine in Fifty Shades Of Grey after 4 starts this year his K/9 stands at 0.79 making seeing a Cook K an occurrence on par with, say, spotting a bald Native American. Sadly for those who like to partake in the occasional Caribbean Investment Cook is not scheduled to start against the lumber-laden Yankees this weekend...But at least Cook throws strikes unlike Royals starter Jonathan Sanchez who is acquainted with the strike zone like I am with the annual Victoria Secret Pool Party-I know it exists, I want to be there, but I not really doing anything to make that happen. At present Sanchez has walked 40 batters in 46 innings or 7.8 per nine IP, a figure that makes "Nuke" Laloosh look like Cliff Lee. With prospect Danny Duffy on the shelf till 2013 the current Royals staff of Bruce Chen, Luke Hochevar, Luis Mendoza, Everett Teaford and Sanchez is so weak that despite the fact the club could still be in contact of the #5 Wild Card spot through the end of July they should definitely be sellers at the trade deadline because with this crew as a post-motorcycle accident Bob Dylan once put it, "You Ain't-a Goin' Nowhere"...Odd Stat of June: During the month one pair of teammates combined for 34.2 innings of scoreless relief-Adams/Feliz? No. Downs/Frieri? No. Romo/Casilla? No. Camp/Marmol?Only kidding. Answer: TomWilhelmsen and Charlie Furbush (who by his surname suggests his parents weren't Brazilian). By the way they pitch for Seattle and it didn't help as the Mariners went 11-16 during the month...

When I Googled Charlie Furbush this appeared...still doesn't make up for Magic Dick...

Even in a long haul timing is important. I can still remember one whirlwind courtship that began with me, of all cynics, giving a girl one of those statues of a tow-headed child with his arms stretched wide over the saying, "I Love You THIS Much" after only the second date. Six months later it was re-gifted to me with the arms broken off. In other words it's good not to shoot your load too early (though that was a completely seperate issue in the relationship) and spread out your triumphs if you expect long-term success. The two biggest NL Division leading surprises of April/May were the Dodgers and Nationals, but as we move toward the Al-Star Break these clubs seem to be moving in opposite directions. Since May 30 the Nats have gone 19-11 and increased their NL East lead by 4 games while L.A. has gone 15-19 and given back 4 games even dropping out of first as recently as this past weekend. In the parity that is the National League almost every roster is made up of a couple of stars, a group of solid starters and assorted role players. The former group is expected to produce consistent success, the middle group average performance and the latter moments of production mixed with mediocrity. In the case of Washington the production has been spread nicely. Star players Stephen Strasburg, Jordan Zimmerman, Gio Gonzalez and Bryce Harper have all delivered the goods while pluggers Adam LaRoche, Danny Espinosa, Steve Lombardozzi and Rick Ankiel have provided varying degrees of steadiness. The key, however, has been Jesus Flores, Roger Bernadina, Ian Desmond and the relief trio of Clippard/Stammen/Burnett performing well overall or in spurts while expected producers Ryan Zimmerman, Michael Morse, Wilson Ramos and Drew Storen have been laid up or ineffective. Storen is due back shortly after the break and though Ramos is lost for the year Zimmerman and Morse are finally healthy and have raised their OPS over 100 points each in the last two weeks as Washington not only extended their division lead but took over the best record in the NL. The Dodgers, on the other hand, spent the last two weeks of June smoking a cigarette and trying to stay outta the wet spot. Over 12 games from June 19 to 30 they went 2-10 and averaged 1.2 runs per game while breaking a franchise record for scoreless innings set in 1962 before rules lowered the mound so that it no longer resembled a place of worship constructed by a Pre-Columbian Indian tribe. Problem is the Dodgers all went off at once. Stars Matt Kemp and Andre Ethier were otherwordly, as could be expected, from the start, but at the same time the Ellises, Mark & A.J., Jerry Hairston, Juan Rivera, Dee Gordon and Tony Gwynn, Jr. were all playing well over their heads and Chris Capuano/Aaron Harang were pitching like it was 2005. Now that Kemp/Ethier are on the DL and the pitching has dropped back a tick with Ted Lilly also laid up the Dodge-ballers could use some magic from the aforementioned group of roster fillers, but like David Copperfield's hold on Claudia Schiffer finally their magic is all used up. The Dodgers can't get back those extra runs they pounded folks with early and trying to plug holes with the aging likes of Bobby Abreu, Adam Kennedy and Matt Treanor hasn't done the trick. The futility of their NL West brethren has the Dodgers back in first, but for our money the Nats are the squad here to stay and the Dodgers will be the one scramblin' for the #5 slot come September. Now if Washington could just figure out what they're going to do about that Strasburg 160 IP limit...

Apparently this is Sarah from Hooters, a restaurant that I'm assuming does zero Take-Out business...

Thanks for your toleration and we'll be back after the All-Star Game though some might question why...