Apologies

Due to unforseen personal matters this blog is unfortunately being put on hiatus. Thank you for your support. I hope to be back blogging in the future- T Shark.

Beef Bowl Bet

    Word out of New York is that Giants' punter Matt Dodge was so upset over Sunday's loss he attempted to hang himself, fortunately he wasn't able to kick the chair out from underneath...

Beef 'O' Brady Bowl: Louisville -2.5/57.5. As for this game we see a conundrum. Neither play in a quality conference and both, like a boil on Megan Fox's butt, are happy to be here so no real advantage there. We'd like to back the team with a quality, veteran QB and solid defense, but these squads split that difference. USM has the QB in Austin Davis and Louisville has the D under Chalie Strong. If Cardinals QB Adam Froman was starting we'd solidly support Louisville, but instead they'll be forced to use Justin Blake and Will Stein as Froman sits with a thigh bruise. Blake seemed to come on late and finished with an 8-3 TD to Int. ratio in  late season starts. Louisville dropped Rutgers in their finale to become bowl eligible and should be on an up note. Still we'll hedge our bets in case Davis has a big game and say...
PLAY: Louisville and Over

Beef 'O' Brady Bowl Preview

HISTORY: This bowl's sponsor sounds like a cross between a Popeye villain, Fit Finlay's tag team partner and Mike's loutish, alcoholic cousin from the scrapped Brady Bunch Visits Ireland two-parter (which I think had Bobby discovering a "lucky charm" that causes Greg to get hurt in a Hurling match and Peter to be attacked by a potato bug). Prior to this the game had spent its two year history as the St. Petersburg/MagicJack Bowl. The latter I believe being the harmonica/saxophone player from the J. Geils Band...wait I checked and that is Magic Dick, a wild looking character who did the bass voice on "Love Stinks" and sported a classic Jew-fro though I wouldn't recommend "google imaging" his name as I'm not sure what you might get. Anyway, the tie-ins here are the #4 or #5 teams from the CUSA and Big East with the BE dominating the first two contests and scoring 40+ points in each.
    For those not in the know, like myself, apparently Beef 'O' Brady's is a "Family-friendly Irish Pub" (no hard liquor served) which is an oxymoron on par with "Stripper's Dressing Room" and about as ironic as a Scotsman being the first person to clone a sheep.

Southern Miss: This school is the NCIS of the NCAA. That is a franchise with long running success that no one seems to talk or care about. They have now had 17 straight winning seasons dating nearly back to the days when a mullett-headed Brett Favre roamed the campus and appeared in bowls in 13 of the last 14 years. Still in a high school where I've seen kids sport apparel of every program from the Cal-Irvine Banana Slugs to the Heidelberg Student Princes a hat or sweatshirt of the Golden Eagles is about as rare as a pay phone.
    The Mark Harmon of Hattiesburg is ex-coach Jeff Bower who lingered at USM as long as Hawkeye Pierce in Korea. The rarest of birds these days, a coach with commitment, Bower spent 29 years here as an assistant and head coach, before retiring, spurning many more lucrative and high profile offers along the way. It was this dedication that left the program on solid footing when current coach Larry Fedora took over 3 years ago.
    In part because of that USM has been to the post-season in each of Larry The Hat's two years splitting a pair of appearances in the lowly New Orleans Bowl. This year they step up a bit in the bowl pecking order while sporting a resume common to many CUSA teams of late- tons of offense, ounces of D. This year's squad put up 37.6 ppg behind junior QB Austin Davis, but allowed close to 30 including being garretted for 50 by 4-8 UAB and 56 by Tulsa in their finale. Add to this the fact that 3 defensive starters will be missing after being shot at a nightclub that featured more gunplay than a mandatory double shift at the Post Office and it could take 60 on the scoreboard to secure a win in the Sunshine State.

Louisville: Former Florida and South Carolina defensive coordinator Charlie Strong has done a magnificent job this year turning around a recently Top 10 program (2006) that was on a slide that would've made Dana Plato shudder. After Bobby Petrino departed for the NFL the Cardinals made what appeared to be a masterful move in luring hot commodity Steve Kragthorpe away from Tulsa prior to the 2007 season. All seemed well on September 15 of that year as Louisville took on state rival Kentucky. Off a 12-1 season Kragthorpe's crew was already 2-0, averaging 66 ppg and ranked #8 in the nation. Then with 28 seconds left and trailing by 1 UK's Andre Woodson hit current Buffalo Bill Steve Johnson with a 58 yard strike (that God apparently didn't cause him to drop) and the bottom fell out of the Cardinals program faster than Billy Squier's career after the homo-erotic, pink satin sheet "Rock Me Tonite" video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fR0j7sModCI). Next week Louisville lost to a Greg Robinson coached Syracuse team that would finish 2-10 and it would get worse from there.
    Kragthorpe's record post-9/15 was 15-21 with a 4-8 finish that finished him in 2009. Strong, long a coaching bridesmaid, finally stepped up to the altar and the turnaround, if not remarkable, has at least been complete. Formerly a run-and-gun squad Strong has turned the club into a ground oriented, defensive group sporting a 1300 yard rusher in Bilal Powell and a stop unit that finished 12th in ypg allowed while shutting out BE Champ Connecticut 26-0. They'll try to accomplish more of the same in St. Petersburg and cap off this comeback season with their first bowl win in 4 years.

Lead with your lips, ladies.       This young lady is actually Cheerleader Captain at Southern Miss. Not that that makes it any more proper, but...

Selection Saturday...And More

"The greatest thrill in life is gambling and winning, the second greatest thrill is gambling and losing"- Pittsburgh Phil

For those of you who live your life by the words of Pittsburgh Phil, the bedridden and folks looking to salvage an IQ point or two by having a reason to watch something other than WWE Tribute to the Troops, here's tonight's selections. I assume if I read Google's rules I should preface this with- "for entertainment purposes only"- but if you made it through this much of the bathroom humor, '70's sitcom references and immature cheerleader jokes that lie within these pages you're probably not FCC material anyway.

These selections are based on a mostly supeficial review of conference strength and motivation, as in did a late season loss send you from the BCS to the Beef 'O' Brady Bowl (preview coming Monday). For more on the power of the latter see the 1998 Alamo Bowl where #2 Kansas State wound up after being upset in the Big 12 Championship by Texas A&M. Let's just say if you laid the 17 to Purdue it wasn't pretty, guy. So for what it's worth here they are:

NEW MEXICO BOWL: BYU -11.5/50.5
Both teams are happy just to be bowling. UTEP plays in CUSA where they play defense like a 1st Quarter NBA team. BYU has a decent D, but sports an inaccurate, frosh QB in Jake Heaps. Nonetheless UTEP's Trevor Vittatoe is just as shaky and this number seems to begging you to take the Miners.
PLAY: Byu and the Under

HUMANITARIAN BOWL: Northern Illinois -1.5/59
First thanks for all the page hits on this game's previews. I guess everyone likes a good truck driving pedophile crack. As for the game Fresno's been here twice before and won. NI looked putrid against Miami (OH) and expected to be in the GoDaddy.com Bowl as MAC champ. A trip to 30 degree and snowy Boise is like losing out on Nancy Wilson of Heart and winding up with Ann. That said Fresno is road tough under Pat Hill, if not always successful, so let's go with the Bulldogs and watch the weather for a potentially strong Under play (http://www.weather.com/weather/today/Boise+ID+USID0025).
PLAY: Fresno State and the Under.

NEW ORLEANS BOWL: Troy -3/57
To paraphrase former Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Bob Veale, "good defense beats, good offense and vice versa." Veale actually said that to reporters regarding pitching and hitting before a World Series game which puts him right up there with the underachieving player who when asked if his problem was ignorance or apathy answered, "Coach I don't know and I don't care." Troy has the offense, Ohio has the defense, under a merciful God neither of these teams would be in a bowl so let's say...
PLAY: Troy and the Over

By the way, if you do bet totals the proper way to root for the Under is to windmill your arm like a ref signaling the clock should keep moving. Not necessarily recommended in a crowded bar situation, but entertaining to those who've never seen it anyway.

Finally, beginning Monday we hope to be posting every day so become a "Follower". Which is kinda like making me David Koresh to your Branch Davidian and this site is our home in Waco (I promise you can leave your 12 year old daughters at home). Anyhow, Beef 'O' Brady Bowl preview coming, game recaps and more selections. Until the ATF shows up...enjoy the games.

New Orleans Bowl Preview

HISTORY: Don't be fooled by the fact that this bowl falls third chronologically. Qualitatively this is the bottom of the barrel, as low as you can go, the William Hung of bowls. If this game were a Charlie's Angel it would be Shelley Hack. If it were a Mary Tyler Moore spinoff it would be Phyllis. This is the Matt Millen general managed, Rich Kotite coached, Kevin Costner written and directed, 1962 Mets meets Gigli of every bowl season. Strangely, though, while other games toil in such relatively out of the way locations as Boise, Shreveport, El Paso, Mobile and Albuquerque this bowl is played in an NFL city, in an NFL stadium- the Superdome. And therein lies part of the problem. The venue is just too big for the game. In fact if every member of the student bodies of Troy and Ohio U. attended the game the stadium would only be about three-quarters full. Blocks of empty seats look minor league. So does the payout which is perennially among, if not, the lowest around.  This year's teams split up $325,000 which is only "bottomed" by the BBVA Compass, formerly Papa John's, Bowl. Oddly the only other game with a payout less than at least double this is the Hawaii Bowl which I'm assuming figures, "screw you, you're getting to go to Hawaii." Money (and proximity) may be why UTEP asked out of this game, opting instead for potentially snowy Albuquerque and the New Mexico Bowl. The NO Bowl directors granted UTEP a release and ended up with a choice of three MAC teams, Ohio, Temple and Western Michigan, to fill their open slot. Considering Temple was the only bowl eligible team to be left home in 2009 and Western Michigan joined them this year after Ohio got the nod it doesn't say much for the travelling desire of MAC fans (see "The Jinx of Northern Illinois" in our Humanitarian Bowl post). Hopefully, however, the "Big Easy" Bowl will survive this year's Diamond Anniversary and it's Directors will continue to provide Sun Belt Conference fans with two major benefits: an automatic bid for the league champ and a chance to be flashed by co-eds legally. Go with God gentlemen.

TROY: The Trojans are the class of the Sun Belt Conference which is kinda like having the highest SAT score on The Jersey Shore. They've won or shared the title in each of the last 5 years yet actually got put in the corner like Baby during the 2007 Bowl Dance with no Johnny Castle to pull them out. Fact is the SBC is for the most part a "money game' conference. That is a bunch of schools a stone's throw from Hooterville who have no chance of competing against the BCS conference teams, but can fund their programs by taking it on the chin a few times a year from various SEC, ACC and Big 12 schools for a cut of the gate. Basically the Bruce "The Mouse" Strauss (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruce_Strauss) of FBS football. Troy is a bit better than this and don't be surprised if the continued conference re-shuffling causes the CUSA or WAC to come calling on them in the near future.
    Troy is also relatively exciting with an offense that put the ball in the air close to 500 times this year. They're led by QB Corey Robinson who was 12th in the nation with 3339 pass yards but keep your eye on "do everything" Jerrel Jernigan who finished the regular season with 5 receiving, 2 rushing, 1 passing, 1 kickoff return and 1 punt return TD. He's likely to get his hands on more balls Saturday than a priest at a Cub Scout meeting. Unfortunately they also have a defense so bad it could make the Maginot Line chuckle. In a late season 3 game stretch the Trojans D got blasted for 35 by 3-9 North Texas, 52 by conference co-champ FIU and 69 by South Carolina. Hopefully this mix will allow for enough fireworks to keep me up through my 9th hour of games Saturday, but I've stocked up on the Red Bull just in case.

OHIO: There's not much to say about Ohio that hasn't been shrugged about before. They're a relatively bland program, in dull uniforms, led by an efficiently boring coach, Frank Solich who generally favors a 3 to 1 run/pass ratio. It's enough to make vanilla yawn. Ohio backed into this bowl when they missed out on the MAC Conference Championship Game (and automatic bowl bid) by crapping the bed in the final week against 5-7 Kent State worse than a college freshmen topping off a night of tequila shots with a sack of White Castles...or so I've heard. Pretty much what you'd expect from a team that hasn't won the league title since 1968 and whose best pro might just be former Baltimore Ravens punter Dave Zastudil. Solich has already been quoted as saying they plan to play a ball control game, minimize turnovers and chew up the clock...well at least I hear the Beignets are good.

Ohio coach Frank Solich (that's really him) apparently prepares for Bowl games differently than say Pop Warner or Amos Alonzo Stagg.

There are really no good pictures of these team's cheerleaders, but I figure this Ravens Dancer won't weaken the war effort.

Coming Wednesday

    Some people see the New Orleans Bowl and ask Why?...unfortunately I'm one of those people. Nonetheless a preview of the "Dim-witted Cousin" to the Rose Bowl's "Grandaddy of Them All" here on Wednesday. Plus, what the heck, more cheerleader pics. Followers and comments are welcome.

Humanitarian Bowl Preview

NOTE: Apparently everyone is linking up here via the cheerleader pics. First let me say thanks for the Page Views. Though I have to say the pics on the "From the Diamonds on the Sidewalk..." page (see the February link to the right) are the best. The Pittsburgh Steelers girl is so hot I find it hard to believe we're of the same species. And if you enjoy the psuedo-sport of Pro Wrestling check out our humorous profiles of yesterday's Grapplin' Greats under the "Seminal Sluts" and "Crimson Mask" titles. Anyway thanks again for droppin' by and more of my quasi-belligerent, sarcastic ramblings can be found on Bleacher Report. Hey look here's a link http://bleacherreport.com/articles/626793-2011-green-bay-packers-can-aaron-rodgersclay-matthews-avoid-a-super-slump Enjoy!

HISTORY: When I first heard, in 1997, there was going to be a Bowl in Boise, Idaho I immediately assumed they had a dome...they don't. Oddly enough the University of Idaho plays in the Kibbie Dome, but this game is on the blue turf at Boise State which again is outdoors...in Idaho...in December. The warm weather Conference USA had an agreement with this Bowl for the first 5 years of its existence, but after going 1-4 with 3 losses to Boise State and Idaho followed by a 49-24 destruction of Louisiana Tech in a driving snowstorm in 2001 league heads decided to see if maybe the Sun Bowl had an opening.
    Miraculously, though, this event has soldiered on managing to lure the likes of Clemson, Tulsa, Virginia, Maryland, Georgia Tech and even Miami (FL) up to these frozen environs. Problem is it's hard to book return engagements with teams whose Alumni and student body would much rather be passing the poi in Honolulu or flopping the nuts at The Bellagio than waiting post-game for their testicles to re-descend at an EconoLodge in the middle of nowhere. Thus this Bowl has been reduced to pitting a non-Boise State WAC representative vs. the MAC runnerup which you will see below is not a recipe for success. This game is sponsored in part by Penske Truck Rental in 2010, but as Mr. Tuttle said on Seinfeld I can't believe this matchup is "Penske material".

NORTHERN ILLINOIS: Folks on the NIU campus are saying, "we wish we were going to Detroit", a phrase uttered about as often as "see ya at Mel Gibson's Seder" or "gee, I wish Taxi had featured Simka more." Ostensibly this is because the MAC Champ goes there for the more lucrative GoDaddy.com Bowl, but is more likely due to the fact that Ford Field is indoors while temperatures at Bronco Stadium in Boise Saturday are expected in the upper 20s with a 30% chance of snow.
    Of course, folks might not have to worry about this problem much longer if the "Jinx of Northern Illinois" claims another victim. You see the Huskies are to Bowl games what Jeff George was to NFL coaches, what Ted McGinley is to prime-time TV shows (http://www.tvguide.com/keywords/jts-ted-mcginley/) or what Yoko Ono has been to all things musical...that is a Killer. NIU has played in 5 Bowls in school history and three are now defunct including putting the Coup de Grace on the Silicon Valley Bowl in 2004 and the International Bowl less that 12 months ago (the California Raisin Bowl trudged on for another 8 seasons before succumbing in 1991).
    It's not all the Huskies fault though. Problem is that corporations want to sponsor Bowl games where executives can schmooze with coaches, play some golf and go on a Charlie Sheen-like three day bender much more than they want to, say, create jobs or provide quality health insurance for their employees. Therefore close to 60% of FBS schools go "bowling" these days and somebody has to fill those spots. Back in 2003 it looked like the MAC could be the second- and third-tier bowls savior with stars like Roethlisberger, Gradkowski, Cribbs, Michael Turner, Greg Jennings and Lance Moore filling out their top team's rosters. Unfortunately the MAC turned out to be the Montreal Expos of College Football churning out young coaching talent like Urban Meyer (Bowling Green), Brian Kelly (Central Michigan) and Gary Pinkel (Toledo) only to see them hightail it to greener pastures once the BCS schools and their checkbooks came to call. Even perennial power Marshall took a powder in 2004 jumping to the CUSA to be replaced by Temple (woo-hoo!).
    So now the Humanitarian Bowl is stuck with the MAC runnerup each year and that's not a good thing because simply put the MAC sucks. This year Northern Illinois lost to 5-7 Iowa State and snuck by the 3-8 mighty Fighting Sioux of North Dakota at home by 6 yet still managed to manhandle the MAC like Naomi Campbell does a personal assisstant topping 50 points four times only to stumble in the Conference Championship to Miami (OH).
    That's not to say this game can't be at least mildly interesting. Snow, blue turf and a RB named Chad Spann who ran for over 1200 yards with 20 TDs could provide some interest. The game kicks off 5:30 (ET) between the expected low scoring New Mexico Bowl and fistful of Vivarin requisite New Orleans Bowl so I'm sure I'll need something entertaining to keep me sane.

FRESNO STATE: With his Fu Manchu moustache, intense demeanor and Bulldogs slouch cap pulled down low over his eyes FSU coach Pat Hill resembles no one so much as a long-haul driver cruising the truckstop for a teenage runaway to lure into his sleeper cab with a six of Genny Cream and a pack of Kools. Yet the college coaching ranks version of the American Chopper Dad (https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidlo-8oJsZH3FK4MGl3JnTl938guX7HR_VlIqeehnSIid3KBBIWvHpkAgizInOXvSBXXl9Imr-h3iuCrZavl3kciLp7b2vTDKHtebea6Ur8YXjB7FQKSl-8u6hu6A1ev7zg4Lt8wDiMak/s400/PatHill.jpg) has put together a steady if of late unspectacular program in Southern California. Hill came to Fresno with a "take on all comers" attitude that manifested itself in the motto "Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere" which coincedentally was also the phrase tattooed on my ex-wife's inner thigh. And for awhile there it looked as if Fresno might be a major player on the National scene when in 2001 under the QBing of #1 pick overall David Carr the Bulldogs opened the year with wins over Colorado, #10 Oregon State and #23 Wisconsin rising to #8 in the polls before being upset by Hawaii late in the year and limping home 11-3. Since a 2005 near upset shootout against #1 USC Fresno has returned to good not great status. Beating the teams they're supposed to and getting pummeled by Boise State on their way to a minor Bowl each year.
    This year was more of the same as FSU finished 8-4, but took it on the chin from #21 Nevada, SEC member Ole Miss and Boise State who delivered their annual drubbing 51-0. Still Fresno finished the year on a high note downing Bowl-bound Illinois and has been to this Bowl twice, winning both times over ACC opponents. So if you're looking for a place to invest that Christmas Bonus you could do worse than backing the coaching truckdriver and his Bulldogs.

The Northern Illinois Cheerleaders prepare for Boise in December. Sorry I wasn't Photoshop savvy enough to get The Donger (right) out of the picture.

And for the guy who requested a BYU girl here's one along with a male cheerleader who's leaving no stone unturned in the search for Joseph Smith's mythical Golden Plates