1. A.J. Burnett- And somewhere Ed Whitson chuckles...I haven't seen a spanking like his Friday night start this side of J.Lo's honeymoon video. Allen James was lit up for 6 runs and multiple homers in the 2nd, but after fueding with Joe Girardi over being pulled in his previous start was left out there to "take one for the team" like a 21st Century Rudy Stein. Nine runs and 118 pitches later youngsters watching had a vivid example of the lesson "be careful what you ask for" which I also believe is the new motto for Taco Bell as well. In his last 5 starts Burnett has allowed 30 earned runs in 22.2 IP, a starting pitcher beatdown the likes of which hasn't been seen since Chuck Finley divorced Tawny Kitaen. At this point the odds of A.J. making the post season roster are about the same as Kim Kardashian getting off with a standard-size vibrator. Good luck Brian Cashman in trying to dump what would be the greatest waste of talent in the majors if not for...
2. B.J. Upton- Normally it takes the combined efforts of Jerry Glanville, Dan Henning and Paul Hackett to waste this much talent, but so far "Beej" is doing his best to become baseball's version of Jeff George. Now I'm a big fan of manager Joe Maddon and what the entire Tampa Bay organization has done against astronomical odds, but not taking Upton to task over his approach to the game is borderline criminal. With reasonable power and so much speed you can actually hear The Benny Hill theme in the background B.J. should be making contact, pounding the alleys and gathering up extra base hits and infield singles like Rick Perry does the homophobe vote. Yet miraculously he did not hit his first triple until two weeks after the All-Star Break and has totaled a whopping 3 on the year, a number matched or surpassed by former Twin Kent Hrbek, a player so slow he inspired the backhanded term "Web Gem-ed", on three separate occasions. Upton's looping, John Daly-esque swing and Michael Jackson foot swivel at the plate are almost painful to watch as he flails away Rob Deer-like instead putting the ball in play on a consistent basis. Still the Rays have been reluctant to tamper with their under-achieving talent and recently waived him only to get one claim and a tepid trade offer in return...sad.
3. And speaking of sad...and stupid....Lenny Dykstra. We chronicled this debacle here http://bowltilithurts.blogspot.com/2011/05/dumbest-guy-in-room.html and now word is out that the Nails-man faces numerous charges of indecent exposure which could lead to hard time in a place where they have a very different meaning for the term "backdoor slider". For more on athletes exposing themselves check out the strangely entertaining memoir, When All The Joy Turned To Sorrow, by former Cowboy and Ram wide receiver Lance Rentzel who lost his career and marriage to Las Vegas headliner Joey Heatherton over a predilection to "brandish the bishop" to pre-teen girls in the 1970's. Thank God Twitter came along and got all this off the street and on to a unmonitored, world-wide media source where it belongs.
And this girl is back by popular demand and, as George Mallory said of another set of mountains-"because they're there..."
Yankees, Red Sox, blah, blah, blah...I think we're all ready for some football.
